Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Ah Friday...my second favorite "F" word!

   May you have a better Good Friday than Jesus had...

   All I'm saying is if steroids are illegal for athletes, then Photoshop should be illegal for all of these Twitter & Facebook ho's.

   Thank you Jesus for dying today... Made my commute to work so much easier

   Follow your heart ...but take your brain with you

   Its better to be a good person then to have a good body.

   Here's To The Kids Who are losing their will to keep fighting. Stay Strong.

   It's not too late... we have the rest of our lives.

   When I was a kid, I used to sing, 'A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, ELEMENO, P'

   realized that I'm getting old. 20 years ago all of my friends were on drugs. Now they're all on medication...

   I use music to escape from reality.

   Here's some advice. Stay Alive."

   That Sexy Face you make when applying M A S C A R A.

   Dear extra fat on my body, You have two options, move to my boobs, or gtfo.

   Nowadays People know the price of everything, But the value of nothing.

   Checking Your Phone To See What Time It Is... And Then Checking It Again Because The First Time You Wernt Paying Attention! Awkward.

   I want to fix you, BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW.

   If you watch Titanic backwards it's about a magical ship that saves people

   I went to the movies yesterday and afterwards went to the bathroom. In the stall next to me, some mom was telling her daughter, "Do you need to go tinkle tinkle little star?" And then she made lots of peeing noises. I just left the bathroom as fast as I c

   it's really inconsiderate of you to be this attaractive if you're not planning on being the father of my future children