Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Bunnies must also contain tryptophan...Boy am I sleepy Zzzzzzzzz

   Bubba Watson looks like Latka from the TV show Taxi

   Men and women shop differently. Men know what they want before they see it. Women don't know what they want until they see it.

   Nothing says 'Self absorbed a$$hole' like liking your own picture

   I love Easter. My unborn children get to play find the egg tonight.

   My mother used to hide the eggs in the same place every Easter... the dairy section of our local supermarket.

   "Thou shall keep thy religion to thyself"

   If you're close minded. Blind fold yourself as if there's nothin more to further see

   When I pump gas now I do it with my eyes closed cause I'm praying that $35 worth will get me through the week...

   We have the laziest Easter Bunny here....He didn't bother cooking or coloring the eggs and he hid them all in my fridge.

   Todays a perfect day to walk down the street dressed as Santa Clause while holding a bottle of Jack Daniels, sobbing & yelling  "You guys forgot about me!"

   When I die I want written on my tombstone "Finally Offline".

   On Sunday nights, if you listen closely,,, you can hear Monday taunting you with the "Jaws" theme.

   a dying grandma told her grandson, "I have left you a farm with all the tools, animals, licences and 5million euros to your name". Dumbfounded the grandson said "WOW, you are so kind...I didn't know you had a farm, where is it". "Facebook" she said!

   (._. ) (._.) ( ._.) ( '-' ) Oh pardon me, I'm just looking to give a f**k!

   I still hate peeps

   Nothing says Easter like making deviled eggs while hungover

   Whenever I read the karma sutra, it puts me in an awkward position.

   nothing says happy Easter Jesus like going to a Wal Mart

   When I'm russian for food, there's no time for stalin