Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Have you ever done it kitty style? It's like doggy style, but with purring, scratching and biting.

   I'm starting to feel bullied by all the anti-bullying commercials.

   Boobs… I was fixin' to write something clever… Boobs… What was I talking about? …Boobs. Forget it; it wasn't important.

   I don't know what you see in me, but daily I'm thrilled that you see whatever it is that you see.

   in other news, Rihanna was hospitalized earlier after an American Airlines Boeign 747 accidentally landed on her forehead...

   There is no worse bicthassness than snapping and blowing up on someone who hasn't done you any wrong simply because your miserable and pathetic life is stressing you out.

   Fellas; Don't just rush to hit it. Take time to know her, then you'll know how to love her emotionally and physically.

   A friend sticks with you through thick and thin. A best friend tells you if your butt's getting thick.

   Facebook buys Instagram for one billion?!? Idiots!! They could have downloaded it from the app store for .99 cents..

   Hell hath no fury like a woman slightly inconvenienced.

   Have you noticed that the "&" symbol looks like a guy dragging his ass across the floor?

   Welcome to "Ticked Off Tuesday". Today's special is bitchy, sarcastic attitude, with a side order of I don't give a damn. Enjoy!

   Someone who dines in a diner is a diner........... I N C E P T I O N

   A woman recently fell off a pier while texting. Don't worry; she's OK. Before she hit the water, she was able to Google "how to swim."

   It'll be 100 years since the R.M.S Titanic sank in five days. Some of the wealthiest people died that day. It was also Tax Deadline Day? Someone didn't pay their taxes......

   When a woman asks for your opinion, they don't want to hear your opinion, they want to hear their opinion in a deeper voice.

   Fact: rihanna's face is 74% forehead

   "You're so vain. You probably think this universe is about you." (Carly Sagan)

   Scatter seeds of kindness and peace will grow, you stupid idiot.

   6 of those Extreme Coupon people could fix the entire US Budget.