Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away
←Rate | 04-23-2012 12:49 by Gary Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you want to cry use a tissue; not your Facebook status. !!
←Rate | 04-23-2012 12:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I keep my standards low, so you don't have to!
←Rate | 04-23-2012 12:24 by SKoop Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's always the ugly girls who are feminists
←Rate | 04-23-2012 12:21 by SKoop Comments (0)  


   messageicon Like humans, as bitter,sour or unpleasant sometimes you just have to give them a chance... Giving Celery another try!!!
←Rate | 04-23-2012 12:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you're stressed, You eat Ice cream, Cake, Chocolate & Sweets. Why? Because stressed spelled backwards is DESSERTS.
←Rate | 04-23-2012 11:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Turning off the downstairs lights and running upstairs so no one kills you.
←Rate | 04-23-2012 11:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon LIKE IF... You've recorded yourself singing to see if you could actually sing.
←Rate | 04-23-2012 11:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon No matter how good or bad you think life is, wake up each day and be thankful for life. Someone somewhere else is fighting to survive.
←Rate | 04-23-2012 11:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon an animal rights activist against fur but not leather because it's easier to harass rich old ladies instead of motorcycle gangs
←Rate | 04-23-2012 11:21 by Gary Comments (0)  


   messageicon What starts with P and ends with ORN? Popcorn your pervert!
←Rate | 04-23-2012 11:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Need a friend? Text me. Need a laugh? Call me. Need money? This number is no longer in service.
←Rate | 04-23-2012 11:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon | ( • )( • ) | Spongebob / ( • )( • ) \ Patrick ( (•)(•) ) Squidward | (•) | Plankton |•||•| Mr.Krabs
←Rate | 04-23-2012 11:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Have you ever noticed that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
←Rate | 04-23-2012 10:56 by Gary Comments (0)  


   messageicon When discussing geology and erosion, I often get sedimental and break down.
←Rate | 04-23-2012 10:45 by Gary Comments (0)  


   messageicon Like if you remember buying really silly stuff from Ronco ...Mr Microphone .. The pocket fisherman...aand who could forget the "Chop O Matic "
←Rate | 04-23-2012 09:42 by Gary Comments (0)  


   messageicon This sexy bird looked at my beer belly and said "Is that carlsberg or tetleys? " I replied" "theres a tap underneath love if you wanna taste it!"
←Rate | 04-23-2012 09:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The first five days after the weekend are always the toughest.
←Rate | 04-23-2012 09:00 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Frosted Mini Wheats" are my absolute FAVORITE breakfast cereal made from scrap wicker furniture.
←Rate | 04-23-2012 08:24 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Here we go... Very good... You're doing a great job of reading this post... Just passed the middle... Nearly there... Wonderful job... All done... And like it!
←Rate | 04-23-2012 08:19 by snotty Comments (0)  




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