Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I already want to take a nap tomorrow

   “and, so, that's where I'm at on the project, I couldn't have done it with out your input.” - How I end every conversation when the boss walks in and catches me goofing off with another employee.

   Like my Great Grandmother always used to say,,,, 'Marry someone who will love you for your posts and not your profile banner.'

   If I were rich I wouldn't be shaking this ketchup bottle so hard. :/

   I'm not crazy. Sheldon's mom had me tested.

   Just walked into a McDonald's and refilled my soda cup from yesterday without paying. Thug life.

   In high school I was voted most likely to travel back I'm time. By the class of 2025.

   Loud music is cheaper than a psychiatrist..

   I hate it when pedestrians get all up in my grill.

   Lady GaGa was born this way 8======D

   You win some, you booze some.

   Women always say they can do whatever a man can do. I bet they can't tuck their balls between their legs.

   You are limited by what you settle for.

   I want to pick up a hitchhiker before I die. Not like right before I die, but you know.

   After all the whinning and complaining about Obama... Is this the best the GOP has to offer?? PATHETIC! Get ready for another socialist 4 years, next time propose or attempt to compromise,

   Water companies suggest reusing your bath water to help with the drought . I tried it , My cup of tea was f8@king awful ....... !!!

   wish I had spidey powers...i would shoot a web from my ana! glan and build a house

   Turns out, “Dress for the job you want," does NOT mean you should show up to a job interview in footie pajamas.

   I like songs that list a lot of things then have a chorus about the end of the world that's on fire as we know it & it's always burning.

   Newt Gingrich bows out of Presidential race to focus on being the world's largest high-fructose corn syrup storage silo.