Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Snooki has written another book, which is an amazing accomplishment considering she's still trying to learn how to read her first one.

   Let's get drunk and cuddle, coz I want to cuddle your brains out tonight.

   One secret has kept our relationship going for all these years; whenever we argue and are mad at each other, we go to bed naked that night.

   Why do they call it "the birds and the bees"? I can't imagine those two getting freaky with each other."

   My money keeps unfriending and unfollowing me.

   Oh, you're having a bad day? In 1976, Ronald Wayne sold his 10% stake in Apple for $800. Now it's worth $58,065,210,000.

   SWAGGER is temporary but CLASS is permanent!

   Life is your audition for heaven or hell.

   pounding vicobeer at 11 in the morning!

   His O face?? Him playing air guitar whilst having an enema and having his nostril electrocuted whilst his chest is being waxed..mmmmm

   If David Hasselhoff doesn't describe his workouts as "sweating his asseloff," well then screw him!

   Fear exists for one purpose, to be conquered....

   The only thing my ex & I had in common was that neither one of us would suck a d!ck.

   Usually, the one you want, is the one you can't have.

   Ha Ha!! For the past two weeks I've just been giving a bowl of alphabet soup a stir,, and posting whatever floats to the top.

   Not to brag,,,, but legally,,, before something can be labeled "Idiot Proof",,, they have to run it by ME.

   Facebook has saved me thousands of dollars on Birthday Cards!!! (suck it hallmark)

   When updating your status, always proof-read carefully to see if you any words out...

   So this midget walks into a mini bar........

   Why spend all that time in school to be a doctor,, when you can save lives by forwarding an email or reposting a status on your Facebook wall?