Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
Why do people think you'll remember somebody if they say the name twice? "You remember Dave?".. "Dave who?".. "Dave, Dave." 
Get out of the basement and enjoy your day, nerds, for tommorrow we're drinking Tequila and kicking your a$$e$!!
I'll celebrate Cinco de Mayo when Mexico celebrates the Fourth of July!
Pepsi is coming up with Michael Jackson cans in the USA.....In a totally un-related News- Pakistan is coming up with Osama Bin Laden Hookas!....Smoke Away my friends!!!! :)
Tomorrow..no lawns will be manicured due to Cinco_de Mayo...not on Sunday or Monday..or rest of the week either...Sorry folks too much Tequila and beer combos.
If it were the other way around I don't think a cat would take in 60 old people.
99% of people in this world are stupid, luckily I`m in the other 7%.
Why man up when you can down a margarita?
May the 4th be with you. To celebrate I just put a C-3PO action figure in my bum.
I love a nice dark red with hints of oak and floral overtones. And, it was a double flusher!!
Happy Star Wars Day!!! Don't let me catch you making out with your sibling.
I think The Timeline went a bit too far when it posted a photo of me being conceived!!!!!
roses are red, violets are blue. I have 5 fingers, the middle one is for you..
Amnesia is the most common side-effect of Rohypnol. Other common side effects include Vomiting,Irritabillity,Dizziness, and getting raped.
I dont like to flip the bird to anyone espcially first thing in the morning, but being constantly honked at when I CANT go anywhere make's me want to do just that!!!
If the tables were turned and men could give birth it would be nice to hear Maury say "YOU ARE NOT THE MOTHER"!!!!!!
"The Avengers" is about 7 "heroes" trying to save the planet. A scary woman, a black guy, a rich guy, a fat nut, a patriotic dude, a guy with a god complex, and one who doesn't belong.... sounds like the Republican Primaries.
On a ship, Captain Blackmails a girl, “If you dont sleep with me I'll sink the ship” Later, she text her husband, “You must be proud of me, I saved 600 passangers 9 times in 2 days.
May the 4th be with you for tommorow is the Revenge of the 5th
going to take count of how many of his "clever" FB minions post the oh-so-original comment of "May the 4th be with you." 