Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Why do people put their relationship status as " its complicated "?? We all know that means ur single but still doing ur ex.. why advertise that??? 
Three words that can really really crush a mans pride. "Is it in"?
Single, taken, in a relationship; are all just terms. Your status is measured by your actions.
If my love, honesty, and loyalty aren't good enough for you...the guy in line behind you would love for you to move on.
I don't know what the key to success is, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.
Facebook says we're 'friends' ,but trust me, I wouldn't hesitate to kick you in the teeth.
Sometimes I see people and think, "Is your face supposed to be like that?"
Oh, he didn't reply to your text message and it's been 2 minutes? You should probably resend that.
Hardest job in the world: Police sketch artist in China.
Remember the days when you could push your friend in the pool and not worry if they had a cellphone in their pocket? Good times...
Party ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ at my __̴ı̴̴̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡*̡̡ ̴̡ı̴̴̡ ̡̡͡|̲̲̲͡͡͡ ̲▫̲͡ ̲̲̲͡͡π̲̲͡͡ ̲̲͡▫̲̲͡͡ ̲|̡......
I'm currently writing a book about my love of dogs and gardening. It's called b*tches and hoes.
Metta World Peace, a.k.a. Ron Artest, just wished everyone a Happy Labor Day on Twitter...........................
"Hey, can you spot me, bro?" - Waldo.......at the gym.
Hey bartender, that piña colada you just made taste like SPF 40!
I need a bigger grill. And I'm not talking about the gold bubba teeth.
Starting tomorrow, every place I visit, I'm going to speak exclusively in double negatives. I'd do it today, but I'm not going nowhere.
Jons Memorial Day Advice. Don't forget! • Burgers • Beer • Sun screen • Toothpaste • Cheese • Hot dog buns • 9/11 • The Alamo • Dre
A childhood of Disney movies has left me sorely disappointed in the lack of spontaneous musical numbers in my life...
Religious people believe because it makes them feel better; but thankfully there's booze for that. 