Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If your going to shoot a black kid and claim self defense, make sure you dont lie to the judge, and have $135,000 worth of asset and 2 passports!! Take some bathsalt to the head afterwards if you thinking about it.

   The police have trained sniffer dogs to identify criminals who are carrying guns, coke and cash. Or "Mexicans", as I prefer to call them.

   I'm hungrier than a Floridian Zombie!

   Libertarians keep Republicans out of your bedroom and Democrats out of your wallet.

   If coffee or booze can't fix it, then it's a serious problem.

   If the facebook app gets any slower my timeline will be going backward

   In light of recent develops the once popular phrase "Eat Me" has lost popularity!!

   SO THAT"S what a Super Massive Black Hole IS !? HUH ! I was thinking something TOTALLY DIFFERENT !

   You wanna know how my day is going ?? My M&M's Melted in my Hand and Not in My Mouth !

   Today My NASDAQ of friend reports: A loss of 3 friends, thats down from last week. So I need funnier jokes ppl!

   Bath Salt party at my place tonight, parents are out of town!

   These bathsalts sure do make me feel funny.....

   I wish some people's clothes were made of Touch Screen Material !! :0)

   I prefer to believe that Eleanor Rigby was really quite popular,, and that her funeral just happened to coincide with the "American Idol" finale.

   Anyone else with a Blackberry wanna play Draw Nothing?

   FB is turning to be Bravo TV of the internet- too much drama and cat fights!!

   When a Mormon knocks on your door to tell you the "good word" you don't answer....why the hell would you want one to lead your country?

   Look, unless you're not blind, get your dog off your lap while you're driving

   Toasters as wedding gifts don't make sense. If you and the person you're marrying don't have a toaster maybe you're not ready to be married.

   The most awkward part of going to a satanist church is when you get inside and everyone is wearing a snuggy.