Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Roses are red, Violets are red, Shrubs are red, Trees are red, OMG! My yard is on fire!

   There's always a wild side to an innocent face.

   Put a condom on your heart & f$ck your feelings.

   They say: "keep your friends close and your enemies closer". The problem is, nowadays you can't tell them apart.

   On a scale of 1 to 10, how old do you think Sandusky's boyfriend is?

   The bigfoot post was awesome. Pay attention people, this is the kind of stuff we're looking for!

   Sometimes I feel like people are just using me for my likes.

   I haven't seen any new Bigfoot pictures in a while... I hope he's ok.

   i think my Facebook friends are starting to think somethings up.. just not the same funny site..

   Having a rough day? Place your hand over your heart.....Feel that?..That's called Purpose. You're alive for a reason. Make it count.

   Girls FB Account: 47 Friend Requests, 17 Messages, 31 Notifications..........Boys FB Account: 1 Notification.

   If I ever get off this couch, I'll be unstoppable

   Good morning beautiful ladies "Muah" Good morning ugly ladies "Handshakes"

   Today Sandusky means "child molester" Not long from now it will mean "sombody's biach"

   Like if you have used the reflective apple on the back of your iPhone to check and see if you have a booger hanging out !

   Jerry Sandusky.....from Penn State to State Penn!!!!

   Women have a problem for every solution.

   You lost me at I had a yeast infection last week. Then I thought well she could make me a sandwhich

   You had me at "Restraining Order."

   It's not my fault you didn't read my warning label.