Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 3444 of 6451

New machine at the gym,,, Brilliant!! but I couldn't take any more after 30 mins,,,,,, It did everything: Kit-Kats, M&M's, Snickers, chips......
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07-06-2012 07:24 by snotty
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These Days everything is really starting to Click!.......My knee's, my elbows, and the rest of my joints!!!

If they don't care, neither should you. It's that simple.
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07-06-2012 05:49
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It's so hot my watermelon melted.
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07-06-2012 04:59 by K-Mac
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Update Yourself.. Not your status.
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07-06-2012 03:53
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women know if they want to have sex with a guy within the first five minutes of meeting. How long until they wanna cook?
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07-06-2012 02:11
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"50 Shades of Ray" – A sexy tale of Ray Charles' battle with glaucoma and slow transition into blindness.
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07-06-2012 02:07
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it's a crazy day when guys wanna see a movie about a teddy bear and girls wanna see a movie about strippers
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07-06-2012 01:41
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I'm going to take 3 hours to decide what bad movie I want to watch & then pass out
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07-06-2012 00:37
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Sometimes, I wish I had a husband to ignore & not f^ck so I could build a crafts empire.
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07-06-2012 00:36
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I did this weird thing once where I almost left the house happy.
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07-06-2012 00:34
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Making people uncomfortable really brightens up my day.
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07-06-2012 00:33
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You're not nearly as obsessed with me as you should be.
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07-06-2012 00:29
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I'm still not entirely sure what instagram is
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07-06-2012 00:22 by chris
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You had me at "life is total B.S."
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07-06-2012 00:15
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How come dumb stuff seems so smart while you're doing it.
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07-06-2012 00:07
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I'd speak my mind but that's the only thing from stopping me from puking all over you at this point.
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07-06-2012 00:07
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You know you're getting older when you would rather ignore someone, so you don't have to go through the trouble of disposing their body...
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07-06-2012 00:06
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You had me at "You f*cking weirdo" just before you shut your window curtains
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07-06-2012 00:04
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Dear JB HATERs – I owe my life to Justin. On March 9th, 2009 I was in a coma for 6 months after a terrible car crash. One day my nurse turned the radio to Justin's song, so I got up, and turned the radio off.