Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon New machine at the gym,,, Brilliant!! but I couldn't take any more after 30 mins,,,,,, It did everything: Kit-Kats, M&M's, Snickers, chips......
←Rate | 07-06-2012 07:24 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon These Days everything is really starting to Click!.......My knee's, my elbows, and the rest of my joints!!!
←Rate | 07-06-2012 06:54 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon If they don't care, neither should you. It's that simple.
←Rate | 07-06-2012 05:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's so hot my watermelon melted.
←Rate | 07-06-2012 04:59 by K-Mac Comments (0)  


   messageicon Update Yourself.. Not your status.
←Rate | 07-06-2012 03:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon women know if they want to have sex with a guy within the first five minutes of meeting. How long until they wanna cook?
←Rate | 07-06-2012 02:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "50 Shades of Ray" – A sexy tale of Ray Charles' battle with glaucoma and slow transition into blindness.
←Rate | 07-06-2012 02:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon it's a crazy day when guys wanna see a movie about a teddy bear and girls wanna see a movie about strippers
←Rate | 07-06-2012 01:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm going to take 3 hours to decide what bad movie I want to watch & then pass out
←Rate | 07-06-2012 00:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes, I wish I had a husband to ignore & not f^ck so I could build a crafts empire.
←Rate | 07-06-2012 00:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I did this weird thing once where I almost left the house happy.
←Rate | 07-06-2012 00:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Making people uncomfortable really brightens up my day.
←Rate | 07-06-2012 00:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You're not nearly as obsessed with me as you should be.
←Rate | 07-06-2012 00:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm still not entirely sure what instagram is
←Rate | 07-06-2012 00:22 by chris Comments (0)  


   messageicon You had me at "life is total B.S."
←Rate | 07-06-2012 00:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How come dumb stuff seems so smart while you're doing it.
←Rate | 07-06-2012 00:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd speak my mind but that's the only thing from stopping me from puking all over you at this point.
←Rate | 07-06-2012 00:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know you're getting older when you would rather ignore someone, so you don't have to go through the trouble of disposing their body...
←Rate | 07-06-2012 00:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You had me at "You f*cking weirdo" just before you shut your window curtains
←Rate | 07-06-2012 00:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear JB HATERs – I owe my life to Justin. On March 9th, 2009 I was in a coma for 6 months after a terrible car crash. One day my nurse turned the radio to Justin's song, so I got up, and turned the radio off.
←Rate | 07-05-2012 22:52 by The atheist Comments (0)  




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