Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating


Search Messages:
Page: 3442 of 6446

   messageicon I acknowledge most people by completely ignoring them.
←Rate | 07-05-2012 11:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's so hot outside! I'm sweating like Jessica Simpson in a spelling bee!
←Rate | 07-05-2012 11:06 by Raymond Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's so hot outside! I've been out here 10 minutes and I'm already wetter then Kim Kardashian at the BET Awards.
←Rate | 07-05-2012 11:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's so hot outside. I'm sweating like Rick Ross and two big girls riding around in a Prius with no AC
←Rate | 07-05-2012 10:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's so hot outside! I'm sweating like Obama trying to find his birth certificate!
←Rate | 07-05-2012 10:53 by raymond Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember... Sometimes you have to sacrifice the fat kid to save yourselves.
←Rate | 07-05-2012 09:47 by Steve OH Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wettest June in ages, guess its because of 50 Shades of Grey
←Rate | 07-05-2012 09:39 by lucas(stalk_me) Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hope Jessica Biel names her first kid Batmo.
←Rate | 07-05-2012 08:53 by SuthernFukr Comments (1)  


   messageicon POUR SOME HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP ON ME!!!!
←Rate | 07-05-2012 08:47 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon If banks were as fiercely regulated as McDonalds breakfast cut off time, there'd be no problems.
←Rate | 07-05-2012 08:46 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Got my passport application forms back today..... Apparently in the Place of Birth section:"between my mother's legs" isn't an acceptable answer.
←Rate | 07-05-2012 06:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How about instead of flirting and carrying on a conversation under my status that has nothing to do with it's original topic, you try using the chat window, the poke button, or maybe even do it the old fashioned way! Call the B!tch!!!
←Rate | 07-05-2012 06:35 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like to fart while am changing gears
←Rate | 07-05-2012 06:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Guys you already got your pu$$y, so if your woman wants a cat, dont stand in her way.
←Rate | 07-05-2012 05:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think I now also push people away on a subliminal level.
←Rate | 07-05-2012 04:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Women want to be equal to men in every aspect except dating. You all want the same positions in the rest of the world but still expect to be wined and dined. How about steaks and bjs for the guys.
←Rate | 07-05-2012 04:23 by ff1241 Comments (0)  


   messageicon July 4th is the perfect day to get rid of your spouse.....with the fireworks bangs..no one will hear a couple of shots:)
←Rate | 07-04-2012 23:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We're independent but we DEPEND on other countries' resources and goods...Like China and England..Can you Contradiction.
←Rate | 07-04-2012 23:19 by Danmanz Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes you gotta cut a person loose to see if they bounce.
←Rate | 07-04-2012 23:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's nothing like celebrating America's independence by spending hundreds of dollars on Chinese fireworks.
←Rate | 07-04-2012 22:47 by BEGO Comments (2)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left