Funny Status Messages

   No matter how old you are, how stiff, how brittle,you can always still put your foot in your mouth!!!

   So, are they going to place Joe Paterno's statue in the library to remind people to keep quiet?

   Mr Tickle wanted to marry the girl of his dreams. However, Tess was reluctant to take on his surname.

   I always clench up before I drive into a tunnel because I'm afraid Wile E. Coyote might have just drawn it on there.

   I installed a clapper in my bedroom last week so that I can turn my lights on and off by just lying in bed clapping my hands. I never really thought that one through... Every time I have a wank my room becomes like a nightclub with strobe lighting.

   "Everyday I'm buffering" – Youtube

   Shout out to all the girls who know how to arch that back right when you giving her back shots

   You are born to move mountains but you're still stuck on rocks.

   ust a friendly reminder, there are a minimum of three spiders in your room at all times. Goodnight...

   Just a friendly reminder, there are a minimal of three spiders in your room at all times. Goodnight...

   I don't care how hot you think you are, you aren't better than cheesecake. NOTHING is better than Cheesecake.

   ♫ All in all, it's just a... nother post on my wall. ♫

   What is gray and comes in quarts,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,an elephant

   What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?

   . Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth. ; )

   When I was born, I was given a choice - A big d*ck or a good memory.. I don't remember what I chose.

   I'm a leader. Not a follower. Unless it's a dark place, then f*ck that sh*t you're going first.

   If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I would never be bored again.

   I'm surprisingly nice for someone who hates 99% of people.

   @ Nobody ... the bottle said 1 pill every 12 hours, not 12 pills every 1 hour.