Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It's not true love until they offer to get decapitated, cooked and eaten by you.

   My ex has so many screws loose that she could open a hardware store.

   I know my limit....until I start drinking

   "So.....you went to college to get a job and you have a job to pay for college." .....What a great economic system the Rothschilds & Rockefellers created!

   I see you speeding up when I'm trying to pass you. Why couldn't you go this fast when I was behind you?

   My girlfriend was looking through my DVD collection. "What's 'Fight Club'? I've never heard of it," she said. It's good to see the system's working.

   When the teacher says you'll be working with partners then adds ''But I'll be assigning them!''

   16 and a Olympian > 16 and Pregnent

   3AM text message ''Hey are you asleep?''....''No I'm scuba diving!''

   Dude, I gave you a pen not a chew toy!

   If the Olympics has taught me anything it's that China may have a population of over 1 billion... but they only have two hair styles.

   $19.99 because $20 is an outrageous amount of money!

   Dude, she has a Boyfriend! So, soccer has a goalie doesn't mean you can't still score!

   If my Boobs sag any more people are going to think they are nuts!

   Silver for Phelps : ( Someone should have taped a blunt to the other end of the pool, then he would have won the gold.

   Daughter''Dad I am a lesbian!'' Sister ''Me too dad!'' Dad ''Doesn't anyone like guys around here?'' Son ''I do!''

   hahahahahahahahaha=very funy hahahahaha=funny haha=not that funny

   1 tequila, 2 tequila,s 3 tequiklas, 4 teuiqlas, 5 teiuqlsd, 6 teiqulkss, 7 eteiqlas, 8 treqiklasl, 9 travquikas, 10 trewquwtss

   Fire up the bong...Michael Phelps won GOLD!! 19 Medals, 15 of'em GOLD!!

   I hope Adele and Eminem never date, can you imagine what their breakup albums would be like!