Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Here`s a bit of advice : advi

   I have an air mattress. It's great because if someone tries to suffocate me in bed I can just poke a hole in it and use it to stay alive.

   There are three stages of a man's life: He believes in Santa Claus, he doesn't believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus.

   Stevie Wonder just filed for divorce. He wanted to not see other people.

   Won't get the test results til next week, but the giant shoes & makeup suggest I may have Clown Syndrome

   Facebook and now songpop keep telling me to find friends. It's pretty bad when a computer program is telling you that you have a pathetic life.

   I am so funny this flu virus in my body is taking its sweet time to leave.

   Thre are two types of people who annoy me here on Facebook; (1) Ugly people who constantly p0st pics captioning about how beautiful they are. (2) Beautiful guilty of the same crime.

   I bet Stevie Wonder's wife didn't see that divorce coming...

   There is a whole market of fools out there who are willing to buy any product no matter how outrageous and absurd it may be to the average thinking man.

   First olympic sailing result just in. GB have taken gold, Australia have taken silver and Somalia have taken the boat

   China Has Really Impressed Me In The Olympics... They Use The Same Person For Every Event..

   I honestly could care less about your protests against chick-fil-a, they have the best curly fries I've ever eaten, your argument is invalid.

   You know you're getting old when you can't take a shower without peeing. Twice...

   Remember when you were younger that old guy at the pool that swam laps and yelled at all the kids to get off the ropes!!!

   I just read that Stevie Wonder is filing for divorce. Talk about getting blindsided!

   I went to Cost Cutters to get my sideburns trimmed today. The Hairstylist got all mad and kicked me out when I dropped me pants

   I just read that Stevie Wonder is filing for divorce. I guess in the end, they just didnt share the same views!

   Okay, no wait, here it is, wait... I can't even type this one.... too funny!!!

   BEST ADVICE: Be happy in front of people who don't like you, it kills them.