Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
←Rate | 08-05-2012 09:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ending sentences with prepositions is not something I have a problem with.
←Rate | 08-05-2012 09:37 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sex is awesome as long as you don't accidenatlly catch or create anything.
←Rate | 08-05-2012 09:23 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're happy and you know it go share that bullsh!t on facebook.
←Rate | 08-05-2012 09:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I walked past a lady in her car with convertible down. She locked the door out of fear. So I smacked her in the back of the head & ran way
←Rate | 08-05-2012 09:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If these were Biblical times, instead of flogging Jesus they woulda forced him to watch "Jersey Shore" in it's entirety
←Rate | 08-05-2012 09:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I win all of my breakups by not getting fat.
←Rate | 08-05-2012 09:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ladies, please. Get a hold of yourselves. There's enough of me to disappoint all of you.
←Rate | 08-05-2012 09:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I feel bad for deaf people until I remember Justin Bierber.
←Rate | 08-05-2012 08:57 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon Preferred sexual position depends on your partner's breath; therefore, doggie remains the favorite for morning sex.
←Rate | 08-05-2012 08:15 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon We threw the body in the river. Then he just shrugged and asked if I ordered pizza yet. That's when I knew we were best friends.
←Rate | 08-05-2012 08:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just took a poop so black, I sent an instagram of it to Kim Kardashian and she asked what team it plays for
←Rate | 08-05-2012 08:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't appreciate the trash talking Chinese athletes saying "we OWN you!" to the U.S. team. Let's leave our deficit out of this!
←Rate | 08-05-2012 08:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon At restaurants, I'm asked what I want but when I sit & cry for hours, I'm asked to leave. It's like they don't even care that I want.
←Rate | 08-05-2012 07:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just deleted and blocked the Pope. I don't need him reading my sh!t.
←Rate | 08-05-2012 07:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like women, but not twitter women. (they have pen!ses)
←Rate | 08-05-2012 07:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The big twist at the end of our lives,, Is that Pluto really was a planet the WHOLE TIME...
←Rate | 08-05-2012 07:09 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon My therapist told me I should take life more seriously. I told him HE should, shmake shmife shmore shmeriously.
←Rate | 08-05-2012 07:05 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon So orphans only have 9 commandments to deal with?
←Rate | 08-05-2012 07:03 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some of these actors are so good at playing the bad guy role that when I see them in real life, I just want to punch them in the throat.
←Rate | 08-05-2012 06:45 Comments (0)  




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