Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon No wonder, the Chinese took the medal in Table Tennis in the olympics....their use to seeing small balls going back n forth.
←Rate | 08-09-2012 00:43 by jitney Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bruh, if she's still driving around in a car that's full of Hellokitty apparel, then she's too young for you !!
←Rate | 08-08-2012 22:45 by LEGO MY EGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stop looking at your phone, he hasn't texted or called. But that's okay because he doesn't deserve a girl like you anyways.
←Rate | 08-08-2012 22:42 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes “I'm single” means “I'm drama free”, “less stressed” and “I refuse to settle for less.”
←Rate | 08-08-2012 22:41 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't run often, but when I do, it's with arms and fingers completely straight, super-cool gymnast style.
←Rate | 08-08-2012 22:40 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Facebook has proved ANYTHING, it's that the love of your life is someone you've never actually met.
←Rate | 08-08-2012 22:39 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon They say a a dog is man's best friend, but I don't even have enemies that'll look me dead in the eye while taking a sh!t on my carpet.
←Rate | 08-08-2012 20:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon As a responsible parent, I like to teach my kids that it's not the person you hate...it's their guts!
←Rate | 08-08-2012 20:41 by Maureen Comments (0)  


   messageicon doesn't want to die, but if I have to, I hope to die in a way so spectacular they name a new piece of protective legislation after me.
←Rate | 08-08-2012 20:33 by Maureen Comments (0)  


   messageicon Oh my!! I just witnessed Napoleon Complex at its best. This guy in a lil' 4 cylinder Prius with a loud ass muffler just stole everyone's attention.
←Rate | 08-08-2012 20:13 by ShinskyDaDon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Usain Bolt should be an unlockable character on Temple Run.
←Rate | 08-08-2012 20:08 by ShinskyDaDon Comments (1)  


   messageicon How come tragic events never seem to happen to groups of clowns?
←Rate | 08-08-2012 18:20 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon SPOILER ALERT!!! Wish the Milk in my refrigerator had that on it
←Rate | 08-08-2012 17:12 by D Comments (0)  


   messageicon 76 Chinese Medals... imprint on back ....Made in China... Coincidence...I think NOT!
←Rate | 08-08-2012 16:46 by X Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't speak Brazilian, but my tongue knows its way around it.
←Rate | 08-08-2012 15:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon it appears as if Randy Travis has a major problem with alcohol... drunk, naked and threatened to kill the officers that arrested him last night for DUI... and a public intox. last Feb.? Wait, is he in the NBA or NFL???
←Rate | 08-08-2012 15:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever you're feeling down, remember; you're the sperm that won.
←Rate | 08-08-2012 15:53 by Jack Comments (1)  


   messageicon If sex burns a lot of calories as the experts say, then Rick Ross must be a virgin.
←Rate | 08-08-2012 15:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Calm down, take a deep breath and hold it for about 20 minutes.
←Rate | 08-08-2012 15:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just took a sh!t in an envelope and sent it to Nicolas Cage. I think it'll be his best script yet.
←Rate | 08-08-2012 15:39 Comments (0)  




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