Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 3327 of 6446

No wonder, the Chinese took the medal in Table Tennis in the olympics....their use to seeing small balls going back n forth.
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08-09-2012 00:43 by jitney
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Bruh, if she's still driving around in a car that's full of Hellokitty apparel, then she's too young for you !!

Stop looking at your phone, he hasn't texted or called. But that's okay because he doesn't deserve a girl like you anyways.
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08-08-2012 22:42 by BEGO
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Sometimes “I'm single” means “I'm drama free”, “less stressed” and “I refuse to settle for less.”
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08-08-2012 22:41 by BEGO
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I don't run often, but when I do, it's with arms and fingers completely straight, super-cool gymnast style.
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08-08-2012 22:40 by BEGO
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If Facebook has proved ANYTHING, it's that the love of your life is someone you've never actually met.
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08-08-2012 22:39 by BEGO
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They say a a dog is man's best friend, but I don't even have enemies that'll look me dead in the eye while taking a sh!t on my carpet.
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08-08-2012 20:53
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As a responsible parent, I like to teach my kids that it's not the person you hate...it's their guts!
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08-08-2012 20:41 by Maureen
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doesn't want to die, but if I have to, I hope to die in a way so spectacular they name a new piece of protective legislation after me.
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08-08-2012 20:33 by Maureen
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Oh my!! I just witnessed Napoleon Complex at its best. This guy in a lil' 4 cylinder Prius with a loud ass muffler just stole everyone's attention.

Usain Bolt should be an unlockable character on Temple Run.

How come tragic events never seem to happen to groups of clowns?

SPOILER ALERT!!! Wish the Milk in my refrigerator had that on it
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08-08-2012 17:12 by D
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76 Chinese Medals... imprint on back ....Made in China... Coincidence...I think NOT!
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08-08-2012 16:46 by X
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I don't speak Brazilian, but my tongue knows its way around it.
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08-08-2012 15:57
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it appears as if Randy Travis has a major problem with alcohol... drunk, naked and threatened to kill the officers that arrested him last night for DUI... and a public intox. last Feb.? Wait, is he in the NBA or NFL???
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08-08-2012 15:56
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Whenever you're feeling down, remember; you're the sperm that won.
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08-08-2012 15:53 by Jack
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If sex burns a lot of calories as the experts say, then Rick Ross must be a virgin.
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08-08-2012 15:53
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Calm down, take a deep breath and hold it for about 20 minutes.
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08-08-2012 15:50
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Just took a sh!t in an envelope and sent it to Nicolas Cage. I think it'll be his best script yet.
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08-08-2012 15:39
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