Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 3319 of 6446

How come i'm your best friend all of a sudden when you need money? but you dont remember when I needed a ride?
←Rate |
08-12-2012 11:04 by jitney
Comments (0)

This world is in bad shape. Education would be nice or maybe just learning to spell before you put your thought into the public forum.......What the hell is a "ceeling fan"?
←Rate |
08-12-2012 10:48 by K-Mac
Comments (2)

Got to the bottom of the mountain of laundry and found my favorite sock I thought the dryer ate. Raising both fists in the air and giving a Gladiatorial roar of victory I soon discovered that I just washed my wallet.....

Your chances of becoming an Olympic Athlete are less than 1 in 10,000. Think about that for just a second. All Olympians should be proud of just having the opportunity to participate.
←Rate |
08-12-2012 08:56 by gil
Comments (0)

By saying you want a sandwich after sex you're letting me know you suck at sex because you expect me to be able to walk afterwards.
←Rate |
08-12-2012 08:30
Comments (0)

Don't ever talk behind my back, unless you're asking me to raise my ass a little more.
←Rate |
08-12-2012 08:25
Comments (0)

You make me want to be a better drinker.
←Rate |
08-12-2012 07:47
Comments (0)

Let me lick your wounds with a touch of salt and vinigar.
←Rate |
08-12-2012 07:43
Comments (0)

Saying you want to age gracefully is like saying you want to fall down a flight of stairs naked and land face first in pig poo, gracefully.
←Rate |
08-12-2012 07:31
Comments (0)

Gaining weight isn't all bad. On the bright side, your clothes get so tight you don't need to iron the creases out.
←Rate |
08-12-2012 07:30
Comments (0)

Let it be know that if you touch my phone and it's not a life or death situation, it automatically becomes a life or death situation.
←Rate |
08-12-2012 06:48
Comments (0)

Idle hands do the devil's work, and that's why they're down your pants right now.
←Rate |
08-12-2012 06:45
Comments (0)

Ignoring your ass is my favorite way of interacting with you.
←Rate |
08-12-2012 06:37
Comments (0)

right now...there are 3 kinds -- people : 1. who want to kill Kristen 'coz she cheated Rob ,2. who don't know who the HELL she is and my personal favourite.......... 3. who don't give a DAMN if she did......
←Rate |
08-12-2012 03:33 by Fab5
Comments (0)

say what you will about Usain Bolt, but I still say he'd make an outstanding purse snatcher

Hey Jalen Rose, these Fab 5 actually won a championship. So shut your mouth!
←Rate |
08-12-2012 03:08
Comments (0)

tired of being called a liar? tired of having to keep your thoughts locked deeply inside your mind in order to protect the feelings of others? Want to perform dance moves? Want to show the world the real you? . . No fear Everclear is here!
←Rate |
08-12-2012 02:51 by Jolyboy17
Comments (0)

Will somebody write something houmorous, all this one line bile is not funny !!
←Rate |
08-12-2012 01:08
Comments (0)

Well, I'm off to check out the Perseid Meteor Shower...Oh, who am I kidding? I'm gonna get drunk, fall over backwards and try to see Uranus.

I wonder if the Ethiopian Blend Coffee I just bought is fat free?
←Rate |
08-12-2012 00:07
Comments (0)