Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 3310 of 6446

THE EXPENDABLES = Retirement home for Action heroes
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08-16-2012 03:31
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Did you hear of the women vision of Hooter ? it is called Rooster
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08-16-2012 03:29
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Worst FB moment in your life... Friend request from your mom.
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08-16-2012 01:38
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My wife was banned from Disneyland for knocking Pinnochio down, sitting on his face and screaming "Lie to me!! Lie to me!"
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08-16-2012 01:35
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Alien 1: “Did the humans get our message?” Alien 2: “Yeah, but they named it dubstep and dance to it.”

That awesome moment when you flip your pillow over to the cold side.
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08-15-2012 21:58 by BEGO
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Love doesn't need to be perfect, it just needs to be true.
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08-15-2012 21:58 by BEGO
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Wow! My political opinion just changed because of what you posted on Facebook” – said no one ever.
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08-15-2012 21:56 by BEGO
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Don't waste sweetness on someone that is bitter.
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08-15-2012 21:34
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I would love to agree with you, but there is no point in both of us being wrong.
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08-15-2012 19:18
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Obama just endorsed oxygen. Republicans immeditely starting holding their breath.
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08-15-2012 19:14
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I ran 3 miles after work today and stopped by Arby's and got me LARGE chedder cheese and roast beef samich and some fries . Take that Michelle .
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08-15-2012 19:12 by BigToe
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Stupid Nexium commercial : "You wouldn't want your doctor doing your job." Yes I would. I want anyone besides myself to have to do my job.
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08-15-2012 18:55
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Won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then I realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom.
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08-15-2012 17:15
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Government: Trickling Poverty up, so every one is Equal today......
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08-15-2012 16:39 by jitney
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Ive been to many second hand stores in my day and never have I come across a rasberry beret
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08-15-2012 16:20
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They should make a reality TV show called, "Jersey Shore meets Shark Week"
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08-15-2012 15:41
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According to my sidebar ads, I am a fat lesbian who needs a new Honda.
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08-15-2012 15:33
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Where is a factory that makes bath salts? Someone should start it on fire and kick start the zombie apocalypse.
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08-15-2012 14:20
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Having a hell of a time getting my leg out of this blood pressure machine at Walmart
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08-15-2012 14:17
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