Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon THE EXPENDABLES = Retirement home for Action heroes
←Rate | 08-16-2012 03:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you hear of the women vision of Hooter ? it is called Rooster
←Rate | 08-16-2012 03:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Worst FB moment in your life... Friend request from your mom.
←Rate | 08-16-2012 01:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife was banned from Disneyland for knocking Pinnochio down, sitting on his face and screaming "Lie to me!! Lie to me!"
←Rate | 08-16-2012 01:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Alien 1: “Did the humans get our message?” Alien 2: “Yeah, but they named it dubstep and dance to it.”
←Rate | 08-16-2012 01:23 by zubindalal1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon That awesome moment when you flip your pillow over to the cold side.
←Rate | 08-15-2012 21:58 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Love doesn't need to be perfect, it just needs to be true.
←Rate | 08-15-2012 21:58 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wow! My political opinion just changed because of what you posted on Facebook” – said no one ever.
←Rate | 08-15-2012 21:56 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't waste sweetness on someone that is bitter.
←Rate | 08-15-2012 21:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would love to agree with you, but there is no point in both of us being wrong.
←Rate | 08-15-2012 19:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Obama just endorsed oxygen. Republicans immeditely starting holding their breath.
←Rate | 08-15-2012 19:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I ran 3 miles after work today and stopped by Arby's and got me LARGE chedder cheese and roast beef samich and some fries . Take that Michelle .
←Rate | 08-15-2012 19:12 by BigToe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stupid Nexium commercial : "You wouldn't want your doctor doing your job." Yes I would. I want anyone besides myself to have to do my job.
←Rate | 08-15-2012 18:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then I realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom.
←Rate | 08-15-2012 17:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Government: Trickling Poverty up, so every one is Equal today......
←Rate | 08-15-2012 16:39 by jitney Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ive been to many second hand stores in my day and never have I come across a rasberry beret
←Rate | 08-15-2012 16:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon They should make a reality TV show called, "Jersey Shore meets Shark Week"
←Rate | 08-15-2012 15:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon According to my sidebar ads, I am a fat lesbian who needs a new Honda.
←Rate | 08-15-2012 15:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Where is a factory that makes bath salts? Someone should start it on fire and kick start the zombie apocalypse.
←Rate | 08-15-2012 14:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Having a hell of a time getting my leg out of this blood pressure machine at Walmart
←Rate | 08-15-2012 14:17 Comments (0)  




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