santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   All I want for Christmas is you... Just kidding I want Money

   I bought a Christmas tree today and the guy asked me 'Will you be putting it up yourself?' I told him, 'No, you sicko, it's going in the living room!'

   Duck Commander releases new pen*s shape duck call just in time for the holidays.

   I was going to buy you a Christmas gift, until I Got High!

   I was going to buy Christmas gifts from my lottery winnings, I was close I had one number, I guess you'll have to wait till next year!

   if anyone is still shopping for Christmas gifts, this week is "procrastinator's week"

   The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven't seen for half an hour...

   When the kids are bad this time of year, I tell them I just burned one of their presents. If they're really bad, I say it was the puppy.

   If you don't think it gets lonely at the North Pole, take into consideration that Santa named one of his reindeer 'Vixen'.

   I see you have all behaved well during this year and for your present, Justin Bieber is going to retire from singing. - Yours Santa

   I dont even bother filling out the "From" field on gift tags during xmas. One look at the wrap job, and its VERY obvious.

   The cost of living has gone up so high that the chance of living it up- especially during the holidays- has gone way down.

   Skeet shooting will be a popular way to do Christmas shopping once Amazon starts delivering packages with drones.

   Sorry I accidentally told your wife about your "secret iphone" at the company Christmas party.

   I was putting the lights up on our 12 foot Christmas tree this afternoon using a 10 foot ladder. Suddenly,I lost my balance, fell off of it and landed flat on my back on the floor. So thankful I was on the bottom step when it all happened.

   "How The Grinch Stole Christmas" - The story of a homeless guy and his dog shunned by society during the holidays.

   J ewish Santa is just like black Santa except one pinches pennies and the other pinches fat asses.

   If Santa's helper takes a picture in the mirror, is that an elfie?

   Every family has a relative that they would prefer to keep hidden during the Holidays. If you think your family doesn't have one...Trust me it is YOU!

   Whenever I hear the Christmas song about "nuts roasting on an open fire" I cringed. My wife plays that song over and over when she's mad at me..... even if it's in July