Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   What do the Chinese call a 69? Twocanchew

   Ouija boards were the first touchscreens

   Any Woman that keeps her Kid from they Father is a Dead Beat mother too!!!

   "went from being single" to "being single like a boss".

   Whoa! I just took a big, stinky Muhammad. Luckily, I've got a nice, porous Koran to wipe my arse with

   Irony - Getting your girlfriend pregnant on a pull out couch!

   according to my wife, the only time I've ever been right was when I said I was wrong...

   Wondering, Don't you idiot Desert Dwellers realize Americans are watching Football today and could give a $hit less about your protest.. @wasteofenergy

   Advice of the day: Don't go trick or treating at the bank. They get freaked out. Especially when it's not Halloween

   Remember when we needed to look up a word, we had to go thru a dictionary, like the book form, not Google. What the fck was that all about?

   Ladies, leave the football related posts to us boys and we'll leave the laundry posts for you...

   If Bobby Boucher's mama is right about football bein the devil then a lot of us are going to hell :P

   Next time someone gives you a business card, stick it in your mouth and eat it without breaking off eye contact

   Change of plans everyone: NOBODY Wang Chung tonight.

   How come Yoko Ono didn't marry someone from Nickleback instead?

   Interrsting they're protesting everywhere but America....Pu$$ies

   Everyone is at an uproar over published materials.... " Royal Kate over Closer magazine" , "radicals over a cheesy film", "Me over a stupid how to make money infomercial!"

   Marriage Tip: Try not to leave a footprint on your spouse's ass as they get out of the car when you drop them at the airport.

   I just want a woman who is swooned by me spelling "hippopotamus" correctly.

   I think it's time for a new Gordon Ramsey cooking show called "Microwave Meals From Hell!"