Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   BIDEN'S laugh is scaring me... and the inner boy within me keeps screaming "I need an adult."

   Thursday Night Football on the same time during the Vice Presidential debate....well played NFL, well played.

   Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?

   anyone else watching this verbal pay-per-view match? the folks on tv call it a "debate"

   wanting to know what you would do for a Klondike Bar?

   7 things I look for in a girl: Beautiful Intelligent Gentle Thoughtful Innocent Trustworthy Sensible. ;)

   just sitting here with my hand in the cookie jar :)

   When others say you can't do something, don't listen. You get out there and prove them right!!

   Some kid keeps prank calling me so he just got the "Liam Neeson Speech" from Taken. I'm sure his parents will be calling soon...

   i wonder if they threaten Spongebob's job tonight....all parents are hoping

   Don't forget to turn your clocks back today if you want them to be set to the wrong time.

   If I offer you an inch and you decide to help yourself to a mile! I won't bother waiting for Karma to take care of business...Just Sayin'

   Saw a brand new Prius totaled on my way home from work. Still had the window sticker. That would suck... Not to crash, but to drive a Prius.

   Babies never smile in their pictures. Why are they so pissed???

   Jobless claims went down this month only after the Obama administration laid-off California.

   My life's ambition is to one day have wiki-link about me, containing the word "Condition."

   I asked a cow if it had a beef with me. We both laughed and laughed and then I ate it.

   One of the biggest lies ever told; The Doctor will be with you in a couple of Minutes.

   Don't complain about the wound when you voluntarily handed someone the dagger.

   I had a prince once. I traded him in for a man.