Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   10-11-12... Sooo Exciting... Not!!. I think we all know, the BIG day we're all really waiting for is in seventy days and counting... Be afraid. Be very afraid! Brohahaha!!.

   hipsters: being uncool on purpose since 1979...don't believe me? I heard it on vinyl...

   That Mark Walberg must be a funny MF... He sure had Regis Philbin smiling up a storm on Antiques Roadshow tonight...

   my wife said I drink too much and don't exercise enough. So I stole her pedometer. Half mile so far from the living room to the fridge!

   if we'd had female candidates there'd be a big ol' cat fight right about now!!

   Hollister should offer complimentary gas masks and ear plugs when you walk in the store

   Paul Ryan looks like Doug, Dougie, Doug, Doug from "The Hangover"

   BIDEN'S laugh is scaring me... and the inner boy within me keeps screaming "I need an adult."

   Thursday Night Football on the same time during the Vice Presidential debate....well played NFL, well played.

   Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?

   anyone else watching this verbal pay-per-view match? the folks on tv call it a "debate"

   wanting to know what you would do for a Klondike Bar?

   7 things I look for in a girl: Beautiful Intelligent Gentle Thoughtful Innocent Trustworthy Sensible. ;)

   just sitting here with my hand in the cookie jar :)

   When others say you can't do something, don't listen. You get out there and prove them right!!

   Some kid keeps prank calling me so he just got the "Liam Neeson Speech" from Taken. I'm sure his parents will be calling soon...

   i wonder if they threaten Spongebob's job tonight....all parents are hoping

   Don't forget to turn your clocks back today if you want them to be set to the wrong time.

   If I offer you an inch and you decide to help yourself to a mile! I won't bother waiting for Karma to take care of business...Just Sayin'

   Saw a brand new Prius totaled on my way home from work. Still had the window sticker. That would suck... Not to crash, but to drive a Prius.