santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   If I want to give someone a bottle of Scope for Christmas.....Would that be rude

   Dear Santa....I've been good for the last hour

   To all those who will received a book from me as a Christmas present this year....They are due back at the library in 2 days.

   I'm dreaming of a white christmas.. but not listen to bing crosby and then go out and and walk around singing to strangers white.

   It's only 5:00 PM, but I guess I better start my Christmas shopping. Liquor store, here I come.

   I'm surprised the whiny P.C. police haven't protested "A Christmas Story" yet; after all, it's about a boy who wants a gun for Xmas.

   I'm deaming of a white Christmas......but if the white runs out, I'll drink the Red.

   I. really hate when Grandma gets me underwear for Christmas-they are always. " I Won't Get Caught Dead In Whitey-Tightys!"

   On Christmas my brothers and sisters come over with all their ADHD kids, they all really love my Amphetamine Apple Pie!

   Christmas sure does smell a lot like weed.

   Holidays are way too commercialized now a days. Please keep in mind the true meaning of Christmas while and your loved ones put up Christmas lights that are currently 75% off at Walmart!!

   Ah, come on! It's Christmas Eve! I could be home right now, drinking this *monster* eggnog my brother makes with lighter fluid.

   Twas the morning before Christmas & all across Facebook, friends awake, houses aglitter. Coffee in hand pondering this day & the things that matter.....

   The way my kids freak out on Christmas morning, that's the way I feel right before I open my breakfast beer!

   I really hope that I don't get another sweater for Christmas. I'd much prefer a moaner or a screamer.

   Christmas is a race to seewhich gives out first your money or your feet. 

   Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

   Are you all done with your Christmas shopping? I bought a lot more people gifts this year than I thought I did. You know why? I used my credit card at Target.

   I will be your Santa if you'll be my hoe hoe hoe!!!

   Me putting up with you is your Christmas present