Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Now that Colorado has legalized marijuana it is only logical they change the Rocky Mountains to the Smokey Mountains

   Let's leave Florida out of it next time. They've got enough on their plate, no need to burden them with national concerns.

   Marriage: Women giving up the attentions of many men for the inattention of one.

   Just made a dentist appt to have my eyes checked. I can't hear a thing.

   Your dirtier than my browsers history!

   Once you realize that someone is rubbing you the wrong way and you are convinced that there will never be a happy ending, you are undoubtedly in a bad relationship or,,,, you are being massaged by a witch.

   ■Sometimes I put my hands on the floor, tuck my head into my chest and lean forward, cause that's how I roll.

   I don't know why hospitals need to advertise. It's not like I'm going to go to Home Depot instead...

   remember kids to always try 100%...not just 53%...u still need that other 47% to get things done

   No thats not SWAG, thats just an idiot who doesn't know what a belt is.

   Stock tip: Buy Frito-Lay, Little Debbie and any other snack food stock... The people in Colorado and Washington State are going to be getting the munchies.

   In honor of the his re-election pants are at half ass across the country.

   I wish I could move out of country now, however immigrant laws of other countries prevent me from doing that... I hear the U.S is pretty lenient on immigrants, I might try there.... Doooope

   I'm making a list of people I like. The ones who say "autumn" instead of "fall" are the first ones I'm crossing off

   Figured I could get both of today's major statuses out of the way today with one word: Snowbama!

   I wish all my younger siblings would appreciate how low I set the bar for them

   What? As of 22:00 GMT, Obama got 60,432,775 votes. Romney got 57,631,452 votes.

   Breaking news: Colorado will soon be re-named Little Amsterdam and will host Cheech and Chong Headquarters. Also there will be a state Bong: Chong's Bongs! that is all!

   I came a long way in therapy with my weird obsession of using shapes and numbers, but yesterday I slipped up and now I'm back to square one.

   If Evolution were REALLY a real thing,,,,, A LONG time ago, Men would have developed a defence to the ole "kick in the nuts"