Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Well, with no shave November, Halo 4 and Black Ops 2 this month, I'm predicting teen pregnancy will be at an all time low

   I hope popcorn appreciates what the microwave did for its career.

   Bored? Send a text message to a random number saying: "Im Pregnant

   Driving down the road and I see a sign that says "Speed Inforced By Aircraft" So I went a little faster....how cool would it be to get pulled over by a plane?

   Million dollar idea; Toilet paper with the Quran printed on it!

   It has been a bad week for Elephants !!

   I'm very, very, very descriptive

   My friend wanted to use my apartment to clone himself,,, I said “Please, make yourself at home”

   I will immediately switch over to the iphone the moment they replace Siri's voice with the voice of Kate Beckinsale.

   I hate when I'm driving and I get lost. I'm at the intersection of Martin Luther King Blvd. and Reverend Al Sharpton Way. No biggie, I'll just get out and ask for directions.

   It is good to be regular people, at least no one will know when you have affair.

   difference between jam and jelly..I cant jelly my D..k into her mouth

   whether its for you or her. Women want more Mouth in the South.

   I've single handedly defeated my erection...

   Day 10 - I am thankful for toilet paper... no explaination needed.

   Bieber & Gomez split up? Does this mean he is finally coming out of the closet?

   HEADLINE - Bieber & Gomez split up! This was my rock, my reason for living - what is left, my world is crumbling around me - how will I continue living ? Wait.. where am I ? I thought this was an article about Captain Crunch being discontinued.

   There is an idiot trying to soil B EGO's good name.

   I'm not clumsy. It's just that the floor hates me, the tables & chairs are bullies & the wall gets in the way.

   I'm not positive...but I think that the "Rinse and Repeat" slogan is just a ploy from the big companies to get me to buy more than 365 bottles of shampoo next year............... I really don't think I'm that gullible......