Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Who Shot Hector Camacho? You thought I was going to say JR?

   So...if yesterday was Black Friday, and today is Broke Saturday, then tomorrow must be Return everything Sunday?

   How can something I can't get rid of be called 'leaves'?

   Most people learn from lessons others have to be taught...

   Big shout-out to slugs! Those little guys are out there everyday, doing all the same stuff as snails but without helmets.

   Seriously though, nobody wants to hear your ringtone

   Nickelodeon should just stop making new shows and replay all the old ones

   Black Friday = Broke Saturday

   Aren't we all supposed to die next month or is that cancelled?

   Ok......I don't think this Black Friday thing is working. I'm still white?

   I hate seeing people who owe me money post pics of all they bought on Black friday

   ...ain't nobody got time for that...oh Lord Jesus, it's a fire...

   Madonna flashed her rear end during NYC concerts, Urgeing fans to toss money on stage for "Hurricane Sandy Relief", she raised $38,000 and an additional $45,000 in pledges to the "Keep Madonna Clothed Foundation".

   I'd like to apologize for getting drunk and making an ass of myself at your Christmas party next week...

   So yesterday at about this time, I was all like, "I'm so thankful for my friends, my life, my freedom." Today...I'd risk prison punching you in the neck for a flat screen.

   I'm only going to be online until I get off.

   Having weak phone reception is the closest I'll ever be to having relationship problems.

   She's excited about putting holiday decorations up, I'm excited her periods almost over. Priorities.

   People assume when I yawn that I've lost interest in what they have to say but truth be told, I was never interested.

   I'm no relationship scientist but I think men prefer girls who make their dck hard, not their life.