friday OR weekend Funny Status Messages

   Does everyone have that neighbour who fixes his car every weekend, even though nothing is wrong with it? That’s twitter in human form.

   Man claims his body only fights viruses on Saturdays and Sundays. His doctors say he has a weekend immune system.

   i don't usually brag about my friday night plans but i'm at a party with seven dogs so

   If you're upset with a 200 year old statute and not the 70 murders in the US last weekend, you need to refocus your anger...

   41 shot in NYC this weekend, 77 in Chicago, 24 in Atlanta. But it's ok... no need for the media to report it. There were no police officers involved.

   Giving my liver a Rocky Balboa style pep talk for the upcoming weekend.

   Its friday night! Querentine facebook party going done on my wall tonight and your all invited!

   I’ll like to brag that after 12 Years of marriage, I still have sex with my wife almost every day! Almost on Monday Almost on Tuesday Almost on Wednesday Almost on Thursday Almost on Friday Almost on Saturday Almost on Sunday.!

   This is the first time in my life that am seeing a month without a weekend, everyday is everyday

   Roman Catholic dietary law classified aquatic mammals as fish rather than meat. therefore, you are free to eat beaver on Good Friday.

   This week's weather forcast...Monday: Room Temperature Tuesday: Room Temperature Wednesday: Room Temperature Thursday: Room Temperature Friday: Room Temperature

   The world all of a sudden feels like a casual stroll through a Chuck E. Cheese ball pit at the end of a busy weekend.

   I'm having a quarintine party this weekend. None of you are invited

   All professional sports are cancelled, and we aren't supposed to touch ourselves. Men who don't play video games are gonna have a lot of time to kill this weekend.

   I don't think of it as losing an hour of sleep this weekend. I think of it as being an hour closer to breakfast.

   I gained three pounds last weekend and I'm fairly certain the switch to daylight saving time has something to do with it.

   Reminder for this weekend..Avoid hangover.........stay drunk...

   Watching Friday the 13th. A load of awful make-up, on brain-dead zombies. Hang on Hang on..... Sorry, wrong channel that was "The View".

   My idea Black Friday is deleting everyone from my friends list who sent me a mass Happy Thanksgiving day meme yesterday.

   Black Friday. Or as it should be known: "Thanksgiving Is Over, We Now Return You To Your Self-Centered Lives Already In Progress."