Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It doesn't have to make sense if it makes people laugh.

   anybody gonna mention the fact that the Mayans couldn't even predict the Spanish coming?

   Anyone who says they DON"T fart, is full of s hit...

   It's so cold outside my nipples just typed this status.

   Airport security has just made sure that I don't have weapons or prostate cancer

   I do not understand why people create gags about 10.10.10, 11.11.11 or 12.12.12 while everyone knows that nothing can replace the curiosity of 36.24.36

   Women are like snowflakes. They can't drive.

   even my 16 y/o thinks the 12-12-12 stuff is lame and she's all, like, YOLO...

   Happy Hump Day this. It's too far in to see the weekend from either direction.

   I understand why they call that speech software "Dragon", because their 2 hour commercials Drag-on.

   My boss asked me to tell him a joke but I said I was too busy working. So we laughed and laughed...

   are we gonna hear it all day about the stupid date? ooohhhh the numbers are the same. all my cheerios are the same too but I dont tell everyone about it everytime it happens

   If I owe you money I am definitely paying on the 22nd of December.

   It's all fun and games until somebody leaves the chicken in the beaver!

   12.12.12 - It's a good day to test a microphone :)

   Dear Blackberry: after downloading your new 7.0 software, its fair to say I'm very disappointed, don't know if bbm talk can make up for this.

   So it's 12/12/12...not the date, but the IQ's of Lindsay Lohan, Kim Kardashian & Paris Hilton! ツ

   It's definitely gonna end on 21 Dec 2012. Not the world but the rumor!

   If you don't want the answer to smack you straight in the mouth then I think it's probably best left un said!

   so many kids give carrots to the reindeer on Christmas & as they're flying you never hear of any droppings hitting a car or a roof.....id like to see that insurance claim