Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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"I'm gonna cramp your style." - Menstruation 
If EVERY radio station on Earth doesn't play R.E.M.'s "It's the end of the world as we know it(and I feel fine) at the PRECISE moment of the solstice...well then you 've really just wasted all of our time!
- My wife got us tickets to The Nutcracker for tomorrow night, so at this point I'm rooting for the Mayans.
dear Myans, its ok to be wrong...its not like its the end of the world
The day you start looking forward to being abused in the nursing home is the day you realize your life sucks
Before we blame the Mayans let us ask ourselves; what if Bruce Willis and his crew are actually up there and they have successfully nuked the meteor
everyone's making apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow.
Age is just a number ...and mine is unlisted .
Every year my calendar ends on December 31st and I buy a new one, today i've concluded the Mayans were too lazy to make a new one.
Sleeping naked tonight. I'm leaving this world the same way I entered it. Naked.
As I scroll through my FB feed this holiday season, I find myself overcome with emotion and love. And then I remember I've had a lot of tequila and eggnog and I pass out on the floor.
Well, if this apocalypse doesn't work out, I hear there's a Jamaican calender that ends on 4/20 next year....
My next plan for Christmas shopping would be buying a couple of laptops to like my status on this ...
Man I hate Taylor Swift..I mean don't you wanna put her over your knee and spank her azz,,,her tight, firm, round azz,,,and pull her hair,,,her soft, flowing beautiful hair,,,man I love Taylor Swift.
When you are mocking somebody, you are just trying to get rid of something embarrassing within you that makes you doing so.
I was just stuffed in to a bag by a fat creepy guy in a red suit. alright! fess up! Who put me on their Christmas list?
Yo, Australia! Is the apocalypse happening? I need to know if the orgy I'm currently having is validated or if it will just make my husband upset.....
The end of the world is like a snow day for adults.
I'm gonna survive tomorrow cause I got a pack of sensu beans and all 7 dragonballs. I'm good.
End of the world headlines... National Enquirer: O.J. and Nicole, together again 