Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Apocalypse Update Day 2: Still here....... Damn!!

   Walmart.. The only place in America where you can buy a shrimp-ring, a wedding-ring, and tidy-bowl for a toilet ring in the same store.

   I tried writing one of those braggy, family Christmas letters,, but it just started looking like a suicide note.

   Yesterday, 'Gangnam Style' became the first YouTube music video to receive 1 BILLION views. Which makes yesterday the actual day the music died.

   Never trust a Chia Pet.....don't ask.

   Sometimes I like to challenge myself AnD exercise at the same time.... Today I made it an extra five minutes just by squirming around and wiggling my foot before I had to run for the bathroom........

   if there's too much sauce on the biscuit.. you better find another biscuit to eat! ;)

   I bet the people that really died yesterday got up to Heaven and was like "WTF?? Where in the heII is everybody else"??

   The Mayans were so incorrect that... Obama just won their electoral votes.

   Can't wait for the Cirque Du Soleil show based on the Steve Martin film The Jerk. I'll be 1st in line for Cirque El Jerk.

   There are 3 types of females in this world. There are ladies you introduce to your mother, there are women you introduce to your friends and there are girls you show the door to

   I survived the Mayan Apocalypse and all I got was this lousy hangover.

   Does anyone know what an 'Ofah Queue' is? Because that's what my husband said he got me for Christmas this year.

   "extra cheese" should be the average amount of cheese on everything.

   I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup,,, and just took probably the biggest vowel movement ever.

   If we can afford to have armed guard for our money at the banks, surely we can afford to have armed guards for our kids at schools. Where are your priorities people?

   wondering...is it ironic to call a hug at the end of the first date the "kiss of death"?

   there an article somewhere online about how to tell your cell phone it only has a few days left to live?

   Glad to hear we've all been picked up for another season.

   I hate it when you wake upon mid-dream, and don't get to find out what happens next.