Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
How to have a successful relationship - Don't mention your EX every other minute. 
Roses are red violets are blue, porn hub is down. So your mother's Facebook will do
whenever I run I play Avici pandora in my pocket and pretend I'm running to Pacha
Well, it's looks like a, 'brush my teeth on my shirt sleeve and head to Walmart' kinda day ツ
found out through fb hockey is back... I never knew it was gone
Two things some people can't live without, God and the internet, are everywhere and all-knowing. But only one of them gives you naked woman anytime you want.
Boy, if it keeps snowing, someone's gonna haveta shovel the darn driveway. I think I'll text her ツ
Eating an apple a day for an entire year can make you turn into an iPhone.
some people take so much s hit from me and are still in love with me. it's great!
Wow! Bethenny Frankel just announced she's getting a divorce! Wait, who the eff is she again???
My husband is so nice to our new cleaning lady. The house gets so hot during the day so he lets her wear a small skirt and a bra.
I'm in the dog house.... so I guess doggie style it is....
Today's date officially marks the twelfth day of Christmas....So, except for the Nine Ladies Dancing, Eight Maids-a-Milking and the Five Golden Rings...it's all going back to Wal Mart. Especially that squawking, annoying, Partridge in a Pear Tree.
Yes Justin Bieber has millions of followers on Twitter. BUT just how many of those millions are not idiots?
TODAY'S GOSPEL: The best way to get along with people is to not expect them to be like you.
Roses are red, violets are blue... How much do your facebook friends know about you?
Guy with the mothball smell p ost, you sir are one sick puppy.
Whether you order a six-inch or a foot- long, both you and your sandwich artist are thinking about diks for at least a second.
No, Microsoft, I'm not sending an error report because snitches get glitches
I wish there were visiting hours in heaven. 