Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Monsters Inc 2 is coming out in 2013 move out of the way kids, I've been waiting 10 f-king years for this.

   Actually, when I went to New Orleans, I blacked out too.

   Finished your 40 minutes on the treadmill, 30 on the elliptical, 20 minute cardio? Yeah? Now go read a book, dumbbell.

   Life Fact #37: it's impossible to have a bad day when you're wearing 'Hello Kitty' underpants ツ

   What if the power had gone out during some of those corporate sponsored college bowls: Little Caesars Bowl: "No difference...still horrible pizza."

   believing Monday will be great is half the bottle...

   always place women on high pedestals, it helps you look up their skirts better.

   would imagine there really isn't any market for sea shells down by the sea shore considering the abundance of free sea shells.

   LADIES: If your father is a poor man, it is your fate... But if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity!

   There are no stupid questions just inquisitive idiots.

   I think Kanye turned the power off because Beyonce gave the best Super Bowl performance of all time.

   Some people go to work just because there haven't left any people at home and their neighbourhood to bother them except at office.

   We know this an American s ite and all, but enough with the Superbowl jokes already. Jesus Christ!!!!!

   what did people used to do when they couldn't google the answers to their homework?

   For all you people wanting to say that the lights went off bc of the illuminati, your wrong! Teddy P said "Turn out the lights" and when he says turn out the lights, you turn out the damn lights!

   Every time I make a new friend. They seem to figure out a way to escape from my basement.

   it just me or does everyone look into a mirror and then look for the "Like" button.

   I bet Jim Harbaugh used to unplug the Nintendo when his brother was winning.

   Wow they had a football game at beyonces concert!!!

   Congratulations Baltimore....in 100 years the Jets will be half as good...yippie!