Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 2840 of 6451

Oh, you like camping? I like drinking outside too.

When a woman asks you to come over and hang out, it doesn't mean sex. She just wants to talk about every guy she's liked that isn't you.
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02-12-2013 13:05
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Happy Mardi Gras! Laissez les bon temps Roule! And hopefully, when you wake up you don’t discover a Tattoo of "Beignets Rule" on your a$$.....do not ask me how I know this.

I am thinking todays topic with my psychiatrist is going to be "When someone asks me if I have a snow blower.....why do I always picture my ex and Frosty the snowman"
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02-12-2013 12:37 by Stephen
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Happy Mardi Gras Everyone! now show me your boobs!!!! :)
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02-12-2013 11:01 by F hughes
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I've decided!! I’m giving up my New Years resolutions for Lent....
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02-12-2013 10:59 by sully
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They should just make Sarah Palin pope. She can see heaven from her back yard.
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02-12-2013 10:53 by YoMomma
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I hate when people post pictures of broccoli and asparagus while I'm having a bucket of fried chicken and a Sprite.
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02-12-2013 10:17 by Sammy
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Found a Capri cigarette in my son's room and now I don't know what to be most upset about.
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02-12-2013 09:57 by SEAN
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Reincarnation, evolution, whatever. At some point, Larry King was a possum.
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02-12-2013 09:55 by SEAN
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Sometimes I like to walk into Whole Foods and yell "hey, that Subaru is being towed" just to see how fast it empties out the store...
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02-12-2013 09:54 by SEAN
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Mrs said she we need a "conversation piece" in the living room. I'm thinking taco cart...
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02-12-2013 09:53 by SEAN
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Happy Mardi Gras Everyone, Party yourself in oblivion.
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02-12-2013 09:28
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I believe the smoke coming out of that Vatican chimney while they decide on a pope is all of them smoking fatties til they can come to an agreement.
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02-12-2013 09:00 by K-Mac
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Playing the "hey, what's in that bulging tupperware bowl" game never ends well.

It's been over a year since I found anything to steal here. If nobody else is gonna say it I will. R I P FSM. I'd type the whole name of the page but we're not allowed smh...
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02-12-2013 08:13
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Of course Bruce Willis is going to keep playing the same movie roles..... After all,, You know what they say about old habits.
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02-12-2013 07:46 by snotty
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The Catholic Church is in shock over something that hasn't occurred since 1415 AD. It ran out of mix for its annual Pancake Breakfast.
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02-12-2013 07:32 by MTQ
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"This is America. We don't stop doing something 'cause it's wrong. We just keep doing it til it's right." - Ed Wuncler (The Boondocks)
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02-12-2013 06:20 by Danmanz
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Shout out to all the KKK members who have a birthday in Black History month and a birthday on the same day as MLK.
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02-12-2013 05:50 by Danmanz
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