Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Oh, you like camping? I like drinking outside too.
←Rate | 02-12-2013 13:09 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon When a woman asks you to come over and hang out, it doesn't mean sex. She just wants to talk about every guy she's liked that isn't you.
←Rate | 02-12-2013 13:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Happy Mardi Gras! Laissez les bon temps Roule! And hopefully, when you wake up you don’t discover a Tattoo of "Beignets Rule" on your a$$.....do not ask me how I know this.
←Rate | 02-12-2013 12:46 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am thinking todays topic with my psychiatrist is going to be "When someone asks me if I have a snow blower.....why do I always picture my ex and Frosty the snowman"
←Rate | 02-12-2013 12:37 by Stephen Comments (0)  


   messageicon Happy Mardi Gras Everyone! now show me your boobs!!!! :)
←Rate | 02-12-2013 11:01 by F hughes Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've decided!! I’m giving up my New Years resolutions for Lent....
←Rate | 02-12-2013 10:59 by sully Comments (0)  


   messageicon They should just make Sarah Palin pope. She can see heaven from her back yard.
←Rate | 02-12-2013 10:53 by YoMomma Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate when people post pictures of broccoli and asparagus while I'm having a bucket of fried chicken and a Sprite.
←Rate | 02-12-2013 10:17 by Sammy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Found a Capri cigarette in my son's room and now I don't know what to be most upset about.
←Rate | 02-12-2013 09:57 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Reincarnation, evolution, whatever. At some point, Larry King was a possum.
←Rate | 02-12-2013 09:55 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I like to walk into Whole Foods and yell "hey, that Subaru is being towed" just to see how fast it empties out the store...
←Rate | 02-12-2013 09:54 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mrs said she we need a "conversation piece" in the living room. I'm thinking taco cart...
←Rate | 02-12-2013 09:53 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Happy Mardi Gras Everyone, Party yourself in oblivion.
←Rate | 02-12-2013 09:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I believe the smoke coming out of that Vatican chimney while they decide on a pope is all of them smoking fatties til they can come to an agreement.
←Rate | 02-12-2013 09:00 by K-Mac Comments (0)  


   messageicon Playing the "hey, what's in that bulging tupperware bowl" game never ends well.
←Rate | 02-12-2013 08:29 by MrMushroom Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's been over a year since I found anything to steal here. If nobody else is gonna say it I will. R I P FSM. I'd type the whole name of the page but we're not allowed smh...
←Rate | 02-12-2013 08:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Of course Bruce Willis is going to keep playing the same movie roles..... After all,, You know what they say about old habits.
←Rate | 02-12-2013 07:46 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Catholic Church is in shock over something that hasn't occurred since 1415 AD. It ran out of mix for its annual Pancake Breakfast.
←Rate | 02-12-2013 07:32 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon "This is America. We don't stop doing something 'cause it's wrong. We just keep doing it til it's right." - Ed Wuncler (The Boondocks)
←Rate | 02-12-2013 06:20 by Danmanz Comments (0)  


   messageicon Shout out to all the KKK members who have a birthday in Black History month and a birthday on the same day as MLK.
←Rate | 02-12-2013 05:50 by Danmanz Comments (0)  




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