Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Did you remember to set your clocks one hour ahead for Daylight Reappropriated Time?

   No one is more cherished in this world than someone who lightens the burden of another.

   MARY was handpicked by God to bear his son, MOSES was handpicked by God to bring the Israelites out of Egypt, NOAH was personally asked by god to build the ark, but the POPE is chosen by ballot box. One of these people is an impostor.

   Happy Mothers day to a mom who should have been an air traffic controller... ...I was grounded so often!

   Elections show how desperate human beings are to be led by douchebags called politicians.

   you see, one minute is 1:59 the next is 3:00 a.m., ugh!

   yep, they started smoking at the Vatican.

   what time do they drop the ball to set our clocks ahead?

   There’s plenty of fish in the sea, but who wants to date a fish. . .

   I know someone, who knows someone else, who just happens to know someone. . .

   Discovery Channel - Conspiracies and Myths "Finding The Tooth Fairy" is on...... I hope they find her, that biotch still owes me money from when I was 6.

   Dear family, thanks for putting my empty cereal box back in the cabinet. now I can have disappointment for breakfast..

   If chics would wear slut rings instead of mood rings it sure would save a lot of time.

   Daylight Savings Time means I’ll be hungover one hour less than usual this Sunday.

   Well, today I found out that they don't like you to wear roller skates in the mall! Or maybe they were mad cuz I didn't have pants on.....not sure which one.

   This job fair sucks... They don't have one ride...

   Please stop interrupting me while I am ignoring you.

   Screw Daylight Savings Time. Losing an hour on the weekend means we're one hour closer to Monday. Dammit.

   only Washington can call a decrease in the increase a budget cut...

   Well,, If you're gonna be "Polically Correct" about the Pledge of Alliegance... You might as well be 'Geo-Politically correct" and change the Pledge to " One Nation,, under Canada"