Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Apparently typos only become visible to the human eye AFTER you hit send.

   Florida Folks: "♫ ♫ We have joy, we have fun, we have seasons in the sun. ♫ ♫" Up North Folks: "F**k you, Florida."

   March 24. Springtime. Cold, windy, and snow... But this groundhog stew is DELICIOUS!

   The hands that help others in need are holier than the lips that pray.

   "Why is Justin Bieber so pale?" "Because there's no sun in the closet"

   Dear Youtube, I can deal with Ads. I can deal with Buffer. But when Ads Buffer, I suffer!

   I am having so much fun and enjoying my life right now that I would be really pissed if I were to die.

   Happy Single Guys Day everyone....................Palm Sunday.

   Most people's religion or faith has a switch which they can conveniently switch on and off whenever it suits them.

   Hope I never go to jail,, because I haven't memorized a phone number since 2003.

   nobody, and I mean nobody has less street cred than a brother named Cody...

   I don't think boredom gets enough blame for the trouble it causes.

   You call it being sober. I call it on my way to the liquor store.

   I'm a really nice guy before you get to know me.

   as a kid my mom used to tell us kids "i dont want to hear a peep"....i just listened to the easter basket & I dont hear anything

   Have you ever slept so hard that you worry about whether or not the creases on your face will go away?

   I always learn from mistakes of others, who took my advice.

   "What am I supposed to do with this speeding ticket?" Officer: "Keep it, when you collect four of them, you get a bicycle."

   Hush little laptop dont you cry mommas gonna find you some more wifi

   if your hot enough, being crazy won't effect luring a man in