Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   have you ever been so sure about something that you were unsure about how sure you were exactly. I'm sure I'm totally unsure about being positively sure to the point of not being positively sure about my integrity of sureness...

   and in other sports news a WNBA player announces she is straight. #courage

   Thinks this might be a terrorist plot to infultrate and put fear in the NBA?

   you know what's an odd habit? People who talk with their hands while talking on a cell phone........seriously.....who's that sh*t for?

   Some guy in the NBA came out as gay. Let’s all talk about this irrelevant sh*t for a week now.

   The female body is a grand evolutionary symphony of grace and striking beauty that soothes the tumultuous soul. The male body is umm a body.

   I am getting real tired of having to put pants on everyday. When does this end?

   These days alot of celebrities are getting divorces. Micheal Jordan just got married, I wonder when the new Air Divorces are comming out?

   I don't see how a man announcing to the world that he takes it up the ass is such big news.

   Clingy women stop it. No man wants some chick clinging to him like a two-dollar tattoo on some biker’s ass.

   I have a USB drive on my keys so that if I'm ever dying in public I can hand it to a stranger and shout "Get this to the President before.."

   g ay athletes are nothing new. Why do you think they call the LPGA "dykes with spikes"??

   Good neighbors do not put password on their wi-fi.

   News media should report more about professional NBA/NFL cheerleaders that comes out and says their lesbian or gay.....

   I guess taking it to the hole has a whole new meaning in the NBA nowadays.

   I'm actually really nice, until you annoy me.

   Steven Tyler is aging pretty gracefully for a clay-mation skeleton, who fell into a pile of feathers.

   When we catch the people who kill elephants & rhinos, can we pull all their teeth first?

   Alcohol runs your personality through an amplifier but puts a silencer on your common sense.

   I don't know who all these people in stock photos are, but I've never met anyone who was so happy to be in a meeting.