Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   a lot of women stick their cell phone in their bra now days....i guess that makes it an "over the shoulder phone holder"

   2 girls and 1 guy, 0 self respect

   My dad carries pictures of me and my brother where his money used to be.

   Real men don't wear pink,,,,,,,,,,,they eat it.

   Psychology: the search for selfunderstanding through the study of others.

   Dear NBC Sports, the black jockey is from the Virgin Islands. Stop calling him an African American...

   Facebook: a place when you even write your suicide note, you'll get likes.

   admit it. We ALL got a little Gary Busey inside us...

   missing the days when he talked in third person...

   Kentucky Derby: Look...if I wanna get all worked up about two pseudo-exciting minutes...I'll go have sex.

   Today I wish a Happy Easter to my Greek Orthodox and Russian friends. Your ancestors really sucked at reading the calendar.

   Some people are just meant to be a loan.

   MAY the FOURTH be with you

   went to a carnival trying to win an X-box Kinect and the next thing he knew , he'd lost his entire life savings and all he had to show for it was a giant banana with dreadlocks.

   Lil' Wayne Lost his Mountain Dew endorsement over "creative differences" for his Emmett Till reference in his song called "Karate Chop (remix)" ... Now remember, silence is foolish if we are wise, but wise if we are foolish.

   "Trust Me When I say Anyone can DANCE!!!!!" - Jack Daniels

   A bunch of us are going out for pancakes when Facebook is over, if you want to come along

   I dont know what my future holds, but I know who holds my future....

   Facebook is the "Bermuda Triangle" of the internet.

   Men stand up to get knocked down - woman lie down to get knocked up!