Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   if a drug commercial spends 15 seconds on the drug and 45 seconds on the side effects, I'd avoid that one...

   Nobody talks to the hand any more.

   He shall return as (James) Gandolfini the White.

   I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say "Hey look. That one is shaped like an idiot

   I believe if a tree and a woman fall in the woods....the woman still makes the noise!!

   Instagram has added video support. Now I get to watch a video of people eating their food!!!

   Loosing a wife can be difficult, and in some cases impossible!

   Maybe Aaron Hernandez killed Tony Soprano?

   Son, we're Irish,,,,,, So technically every one of your ribs is a McRib

   I always start my day off with SNAP, CRACKLE, POP

   Ladies; Don't build walls around your heart... men will pee on them.

   My phone display is brighter than my future. :(

   They key to not crying when cutting an onion is severing your emotional bond with it beforehand.

   People who still have their popcorn when movies starts: your self-control disgusts me and I'll never party with you jerks.

   VODKA: the boredom killer.

   We all spend our lives tiptoeing around trying not to say the wrong thing or offend anyone. So, I’ll be damned if I’m gonna do that h ere.

   "It's okay." - Women, right before they spend 5hrs telling you why it isn't ok.

   The bags under my eyes are Prada.

   Trending right now on Yahoo - 1. Kate Upton 2. Gisele Bundchen 3. Vanessa Hudgens 4. Wrist Injuries

   Just heard that Justin Bieber is planning his next release. Sources say it's going to be on some dude's back.