Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   IKEA now designs temporary houses for refugees which is weird because I thought they already did that.

   The older I get the more use I have for the phrase "bite me."

   Ego ; your total erroneous ideas about yourself.

   Happy Canada D'eh! Now let's get drunk!

   i compare my last relationship to Forrest Gump and Jenny. I was retarded and she was a w*ore...

   The longest distance in the world is from Monday morning to Friday afternoon.

   Meagan Good box probably taste like Hawaiian bread, a fruit salad, the happiness of 10 freed slaves and tears from the Immaculate Mary

   Doing a 'selfie' actually means something quite different than what I had originally thought. Sorry weird stranger, whom I called a 'sticky handed monkey pounder'. My bad ツ

   We are around 7 billion and we have differences but can we at least agree that a person found guilty in rape deserves the death sentence?

   Paula Deen is very pleased that the USSC is allowing f@gs to get married.....especially the coloured ones

   My three favorite shows about murderers are Dexter, Hannibal, and SportsCenter.

   I'm southern but not, "Calvin peeing on things decal on my truck" southern.

   Job applications are stupid. "Why do you want to work for us?" Oh, I've always had a passion for frozen yogurt.....b*tch I'm broke!!

   your head is so big.......you don't have dreams, you have movies.

   your teeth are so yellow you should get a part time job at the movie theatre spittin on the popcorn.

   your so black the cops shot at you and the bullets came after you with flashlights!

   why you hasselhoffing your stomach in that photo dude!

   Just found out I have some Native American in me. Well, that explains why I hate all of you.

   When I order delivery online and there's a "Notes" box I put "Ring bell, Cross moat, SLAY DRAGON"

   Bow Wow been 14 for 20 years