Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Yo Zimmerman, I'm really happy for you and, I'ma let you finish, but OJ had one of the best racial trials of all time!

   JAB. If the human race had no choice as to what color a child is at birth, prejudice wouldn't exist. . .

   Its up to you if you want to feel like a million bucks or a bounced cheque.

   I think the #1 phrase that is guaranteed to make people argue is "what do you want to eat?"

   Excuse me Mr Zimmerman I know this isn't the right time but umm.. Who is that chick that sits behind you to the left?!!

   I just walked into my house and yelled "Nobody I'm Home"....I think I need a dog.

   A lot of folks are going to be upset that the Zimmerman jury didn't come to a verdict tonight. A prime weekend looting night, down the drain..

   I don't drive a Corvette because I have a small p3nis. I drive a Corvette because I'm a bada$$. I'm sorry you aren't.

   Gravity didn't seem this strong twenty-five years ago. :-/

   Twinkies are returning to the store shelves which means that people will be renewing their Jenny Craig membership in the very near future.

   My three favorite shows about murderers are NCIS, CSI, and SportsCenter.

   Why did they even build a highway to the danger zone

   If you believe the home alarm commercials, the first thing burglars do when they break into your home is smash your family pictures.

   If you don't hate yourself after it, you haven't eaten enough.

   I pity those who feel the need to brag about themselves to get people's attention. I hate them more than the scratch on my Lamborghini.

   I think it's funny how women that love expensive things give themselves away for next to nothing.

   My doctor said I should eat more Taco Bell. He actually said "Less McDonald's", but I'm pretty sure I know what he meant.

   it called NASCAR because that's the way a hillbilly pronounces "nice car?"

   If you're always feeling a little grumpy, next time try a different dwarf...

   The guy who invented the game "Twister" died this week.... Fitting him into his coffin took almost 30 spins. ( they put the left foot in...)