life Funny Status Messages

   Whatever you do in this life, you should always give it 100 percent, unless you're donating blood.

   My Life Coach just told me that I've been in the placebo group. FML.

   Someone just called me NORMAL......I have never been so insulted in my life....

   At this point in my life the only reason I want to be rich is to hire somebody to clean my house.

   If you thought your life sucked after I honked at you, wait till I throw up my arms in displeasure.

   I knew the fun part of my life was over when my friends started getting pregnant on purpose

   At the end of each day life should ask us, "Do you want to save the changes?"

   Important life lesson learned.... you can't hide a bogger under a glass table.

   Before I go out binge drinking I always eat a stick of butter. It doesn't do anything I just make really poor life choices.

   almost annoyed by the fact that Pablo Escobar spent most of his life tucking in his shirt but he’s only remembered for selling drugs.

   Work has been a pain lately. Too much stress at this stage of my life...and for that reason...I'm out. If only life were like Shark Tank.

   If you're one of the people wasting hours of your life throughout the day watching the live stream of that giraffe that refuses to have her baby, just stop. She'll most likely birth at like 3:30am while you're all asleep anyways. #ShesFakingIt #Shejustfat

   Never owned a single pair of shoes in my life. I just keep renting them from the bowling alley.

   When something big comes out from your life, smaller ones enter.

   "Spring Ahead" this weekend for Daylight Saving Time proves there is a much quicker way than Facebook to lose an hour in your life....

   Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life. If Bill Gates had got laid in high school, do you think there'd be a Microsoft?

   Should men care about women's rights? Before you answer, remember four important women in your life. Sister...Wife...Daughter...Mother...

   This Crazy lady with Mad Road rage was yelling out her window at me this morning before work.... "I'm gonna make your life a living hell" ...I yelled back, "Thanks but I'm already married."

   .... One of the BIG problems with getting married too early in life is that .... When you get older .... The sexual position formerly known as 69 ..... Eventually becomes 96.

   User "Anonymous" you are the most annoying person on earth. If there is anything wrong or negative to say to anything you are the man! Get a life or at least a job…