Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   was talking with my neighbor when we saw six men kicking and punching my mother-in-law. My neighbor said "Are you going to help?" I said No, six should be enough.

   Mother nature is bipolar... I've been trying to get her into therapy but she just threatens me with a hormonal disorder so...

   For the record, if my mother ever tells you she uses Oxycontin to remove stains, it's not true.

   I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes”

   My mother always told me to never quit something I'm good at. So here is to her for making me realise that i'm good at being drunk!

   wondering why nobody told me that half my job as mother would be smelling the crotches of things.

   Nothing like being 29 years old and having your Mother threaten to ground you if you get another tattoo. Havent seen her this fired up since I got caught in a dirty chat room on AOL 3.0

   I'm so awesome that before I was born, my mother had an ultrasound, and they asked for a sequel.

   On this blessing occasion of mother's day I'd like to thank all the sri lankis and philippinos and other maids who are raising the precious lebanese children and wish them a happy mother's day

   What's the difference between a Catholic mother and a Jewish mother? A Catholic mother says "If you don't eat this, I'll kill you.", a Jewish mother says "If you don't eat this, I'll kill myself.".

   You take care of ME, I take care of YOU! - Mother Earth

   what was that saying from that commercial from the '70's...don't mess with mother nature.

   African mother to her child: "You better be happy you're that skinny, there's fat kids in America that wish they were as skinny as you!"

   "Someone's been eating my porridge!", said Father bear. Mother bear sighed and poured him another bowl. Life was tough and draining for her, now that her husband was suffering from Alzheimer's.

   i walked past my mother-in-law's house today that was on fire. I spotted her screaming from the top window, "SAVE ME, SAVE ME!!!" ...So I did! ...as my new screensaver.

   A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother why the bride changed her mind. What do you mean? responded her mother. Well, she went down the aisle with one man, and came back with another...

   I was raised by my father----my mother left before I was born.

   A blizzard in January, and a tornado in February. I didn't realize how bi polar mother nature really is.

   After pulling an all-nighter, I had the pleasure of meeting my girlfriend's mother for the very first time. She walked in on me in the bathroom...I had fallen asleep while taking a dump...

   You know what's amazing? "how I met your mother"