Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
what's for lunch? left over bacon from breakfast said no one ever. 
Don't think you can bring that $hit from other places here and get away with it!!
Sounds like "PimpJuice" needs to take a refresher course in Pimpology 101
I gonna have to find me a partner...I'm as hard as woodpecker lips
Relationships are weird. What starts out as "You're funny and smart" eventually turns into "You think you know everything and everything is a joke to you."
Karma means I can sleep at night, knowing that everyone I mistreated today had it coming!
Our breakup was due to religious differences. She didn't think I was God.
WARNING!!! Drug use may cause memory loss and....uhm....
If I die at walmart, PLEASE, drag my body to Cabella's
just because I don't have a girlfriend doesn't mean I'm all alone, I have food and internet!
COMEBACK: Just a few more weeks without sex and I win another pair of crocs.
A good woman knows her limits...... A wise woman knows she has none."
I'll bet Anthony Weiner's babysitter's mom is pretty freaking creeped out right now.
Almost have my puppy trained to only sh*t in the neighbors yard.
If a man needs to be taught how to fish, that man is a wussy.
You won't see my crazy unless I want you to see my crazy. That's how crazy I am.
The person in front of me at Starbucks included a specific temperature in her coffee order. Where is a drone strike when you need one?
Just watched the Selena Gomez "Birthday" video and now I understand why terrorists exist.
It's so cute when the cashier puts the receipt on the counter like it's going to stop me from finding a way to caress her hand. Nice try.
Trying to start a conga line at work is unprofessional, and borders on sexual harassment. 'Apparently'. 