Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The guys at Home Depot must take classes to know exactly what I meant by "the little thing next to that one piece with the round thing."

   Why does FB show me people I "may" know, LAWD these are ugly people, stop it!

   If our Government shuts down how much Electricity will we save?

   CNN Breaking news: Due to Government Shutdown, all the aliens in Area 51 have been released......

   When Iran and Syria are able to compromise more then Republicans, you know our country has a problem.

   This shutdown seems to be bringing out the inner-retard in everyone.

   GOP= Greed Over People

   CNN Breaking news: Grand Canyon is closed, please don't look if you are driving or flying through.....

   "okay okay...I'm up" - Green Day

   Are the ATF and border patrols also shutdown? Asking for a Mexican friend....

   With the gov't shutdown, who will protect our borders? Asking for an amigo...

   Inner beauty is just code for when we go out you're buying your own drinks.

   October is breast awareness month for women, men are usually aware of breasts all year round.

   Adam and Eve had two kids, both boys. But there were new babies born after. This story is in the same book that claims incest is wrong.

   God I hate Democrats!

   Dog owner tip: Never entrust your dog to watch your food for you.

   If you have a recycling bin full of cans with holes from a 22. Then sure, we can be friends

   I call "dibs" again this year for "Tanning Mom" as a Halloween costume.

   If we can have HD video from Mars,,, then I should have 4 bars on my phone everywhere I go.

   Don't grow up... It's a trap, It's a trap. (read in Admiral Ackbar voice)