Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
Her: Do you think I'm pretty? Me: Honey, I lick you where babies come out...thats how much pretty I think you are. 
Rumors: Well at least you're spreading something else besides your legs.
If you think human beings have evolved a lot. Look at how much Egyptians worshiped cats. Then go look at Facebook for about 10 minutes.
Be the change you wish the homeless people didn't know you had
Whenever someone says "This day couldn't get any worse" I set them on fire & ask "Are you sure?"
I have never met a US Congressman I didn't find completely honest and extremely intelligent. However I may need to add I have never met a US Congressman.
I don't simply have problems like people often talk about. I just date or marry them.
Take advantage of being a woman by bursting into tears during any sort of intense negotiations.
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don't know. Inspirational statuses are hard
Xmas Shopping List: iPad Air ✓ MacPro ✓ PS4✓ Broke✓
Just imgine if we've all met somewhere as a reunion of years together providing funny.... thanks for the fun times guys and gals!!
Skinny jeans should not have pockets.
Do you want to be right or happy?
Hearing “I miss you” from the right person is a great feeling.
People who have more than 10 items in the express line… Well Fu#k you to
Marriage is like a public toilet. Those waiting outside are desperate to get in. Those inside are desperate to get out.
Life is weird. First you wanna grow up, then you wanna be a kid again.
Why do I have to play 20 questions with the gas pump, before I can pump my gas?
Please specify orientation ?heterosexual ?bisexual ?homosexual ?asexual ?metrosexual ?getnosexual?
Life is like a box of condoms. If you don't use one, you never know what you're goin get. 