Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If it wasn't for sex, I would have quit being a grown-up a long time ago.

   George Zimmerman needs to meet Dexter

   Why do we say "A word to the wise" when it's the stupid ones who need it?

   When you get married, wouldn't it make more sense for the groom's mother to walk the bride down the aisle? That way you would have the woman that brought you into this world and the woman that will take you out of it.

   America is shocked & disgusted when Bill Clinton admits he had sexual relations with Hilary.

   Bye, bye, Miss Canadian Pie,,,Drove my Ski-Doo, To the igloo.................................................. *This idea was stupid,, Sorry*

   Long story short: Roses and violets are their appropriate colours,,,, thus I find you attractive.

   I bet the tickle fights in jail are legendary.

   There is a difference from being catwoman and catlady...

   Caroline Kennedy has been appointed as the new U.S. Ambassador to Japan. You'd think after all these years we'd stop trying to avenge Pearl Harbor.

   Do unto others before they can do unto you.

   I'm old enough to remember when the lamest thing in the world was to take pictures of yourself, like you had no friends

   sometimes I think love is like bigfoot......other people claim they have seen it & experienced it but I don't think I ever will

   "George W. Bush is nicknamed '43' because he was the 43rd President of the United States. Barrack Obama is nicknamed '44' because that is how many people have signed up for Obamacare."

   If you have crazy friends, you have everything.

   Just anounced if you own a MAC you can now access the Obamacare website

   George Zimmerman has been back and forth to jail for murder, battery, gun charges and now assault and Still keeps getting bail!?!? The Florida justice system is an embarrassment

   t amazes me that Playboy have explored the idea of making pop-up books yet.

   I see your Zimmerman and raise you a Casey Anthony

   What I learned by watching Storage Wars: A box of $hit is worth seventy five bucks and a sack of $hit is only worth fifty.