Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Al Gore is an idiot!

   We are slaves to the NRA....take a moment today and remember Newtown's victims.....

   US and Chinese warships play game of chicken, Kim Jong said " hey you two.... Uncle!

   Megyn Kelly said "Jesus and Santa Claus are white" well if they weren't they live in Detroit and East St. Louis!

   Just got home and found all the doors and windows open everything gone! What kind of person does that to someones Advent calender?

   The truth is anyone who thinks we're still having global warming should look at what is happening in Egypt and realize that they're in DE-NILE. (Sorry I couldn't resist)

   Apparently someone is stabbed in Detroit every 54 secs. It must suck to be that guy.

   snow in Egypt in the dessert, Egyptian police report camel's slipping and sliding, Egyptian Utilities report all 25 customer's without power.

   Kids today.. I swear they just cant figure shi& out on their own. Its like they need a you tube video to show them how to wipe their As%

   Marriage is hard. Marriage is so hard Nelson Mandela got divorce. He spend 27 years in prison getting tortured and beaten everyday of his life for 27 years. He got out of jail, spent 6 months with his wife, and said. I CANT TAKE THIS SHI%

   Below freezing weather in every state this week, Egypt gets snow, republicans and doubters owe Al Gore an apology regarding climate change, don't they?

   Egypt Power and Light reports all 10 customers without power...

   Snow in Egypt! In the dessert! Global warming strikes again!....Al Gore refuses comment

   "Awe crap" ~ The first thing that goes through your head when "Michael has commented on your status" pops up in your phones notification bar.

   Q: Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? A: Fo' Drizzle

   I got this whole Christmas gifting thing on lock!! I bought my mom a fridge for Xmas a few years ago and still to this day every time she opens it....her face lights up

   I took a poll recently, and 100% of strippers were angry they had nothing to dance on.

   Oh com'on Kim Jong everyone has a ''funny uncle'' in the family....don't you think the firing squad was a little harsh???

   It's Friday the 13th. Good thing I'm not superstitious, it's unlucky to be superstitious...

   Today is Friday, December 13th. I can't tell you how relieved I am that Christmas isn't on Friday the 13th this year.