Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   If a mute swears, does his mother was his hands with soap??

   Just because your a great grand-mother does not give you the right to wear "Juicy" on the seat of your pants...

   It's a difficult day for me today. Today is the day I tell my dog that I am not his biological mother and that his real mother was a b!tch.

   the only thing stronger than a mother's love is a garlic breath.

   Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, but he never called his wife or mother because they were both deaf... which would actually make him the original inventor of the 'booty call' as well.

   my mother never understood the irony in calling me a "son-of-a-b*tch"

   USA - "Dad can I borrow a few trillion dollars?" England - "...Ask your mother" China - "Hell no I'm not giving you any money!! You'll just let your government friends waste it all on gambling.

   My mother called Information. While I'm sitting here with my laptop, she called Information. Even the Amish dont call information anymore

   I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay, the mice throw themselves on the traps.

   Angry husband is not satisfied with his wife & sends an sms to his Mother in law. Your product is not matching my requirements. Smart Mother in law replys - Warranty expired, manufacturer not responsible after seal is broken.

   3 dreams of a man: To be as handsome as his mother thinks.To be as rich as his child believes.To have as many women as his wife suspects

   ... And if you're taking your girlfriend out tonight, You better park the car well out of sight... Cause if they catch you in the back seat Trying to pick her locks, They're gonna send you back to mother In a cardboard box... You better run..."

   The best medicine in the world is a mother's hug

   ‎"I didn't choose the thug life, the thug life chose me." Mother Teresa

   My mother said, "You won't amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said, "Oh ya.....Just you wait."

   Somewhere right now in the hood, someone is yelling "Domino Mother F**ker!"

   An Amber Alert has been issued for a tall, African American 26 yr. old who goes by the name of LeBron James. He keeps disappearing for the 4th quarter of the NBA Final games. If seen, please call his mother, Gloria, or her boyfriend, Delonte.

   Dear Mother in Law , pls don't teach me how to handle my children. I'm living with one of yours and he sure needs a lot of improvement ;)

   Where would I be without my mother? Probably in the middle of traffic, without my jacket on, talking to some stranger.

   POLLEN: Mother Natures hangover.