Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   What do the Smurfs and a Tiffany's diamond have in common? They both come in a little blue box.

   Western quasi-liberal obsession with 'political correctness' is sick and disgusting almost as h0m0phobia itself.

   The Patriots defensive scheme worked almost as well as the Obamacare website.

   In honor of MLK: I'm going to wash my whites and colors together today.....

   Instead of, "Who won?" The most frequently asked question at Super Bowl 48 will be, "Hey, are you gonna eat the rest of those nachos?"

   Superbowl 48, 2 teams from the only 2 states 2 have legalized pot, I'm guessing tht their "secret" of success is a bowl of "weedies" every morn 4 breakfast

   I can't wait for the SmokeABowl!

   Super Bowl 48. Two teams from the only two states to have legalized pot. I can't guarantee who'll win, but I can guarantee that Frito-Lay is gonna make more $ than the NFL on this one.

   Sherman...eat a snickers

   Been throwing up gang signs at my mom all morning. Now she won't make me lunch.

   Washington and Colorado legalize marijuana, Seattle and Denver advance to the Super Bowl. Coincidence? I think pot!

   If you think the Harbaugh or Manning brothers are competitive, wait until you meet two friends of mine, named Niles and Frasier Crane.

   Bong Bowl is on! Just don't drink the water

   Did you hear that? Busta Rhymes is the best corner in the game. Don't you dare put him up against Crabtree.

   My dog acts like every leaf blowing in the wind outside our door is going to murder his entire family. It's like, grow up

   I hate cyclists. You're driving along enjoying life then BAM! you're stuck driving 10mph behind some jerk with way nicer calves than you

   when I bath I turn off all the lights and pretend I'm still in the womb, then I jump out turn on the lights and start crying....

   saw a magician driving today,first time I looked he was the only one driving,when I looked again a women suddenly appeared in the passenger seat

   It's not all bad for Tom Brady. At least he won't have to listen to Bruno Mars.

   The Weed Bowl is On!